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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Keep writing, i would love to see what happens next!
This was good as a general story.
Would like to see what part 3 would be like.All the best
Hiya again! You did better with this part, as far as your poor grammar goes, haha!
This was the only part i found confusing:
You need to get rid of one of these 'buts.' Preferably the first one.
I still have no idea where you are going with this, and still cannot see the fantasy in our story. So YWS readers don't get bored or annoyed that this may not be in the right section, i suggest speeding up the fantasy part. Keep writing, though! I want to see what happens next!
~Classy
I had no problems with the plot of the story, but keep working on the English!
i am really sorry for calling agni a boy!
but i still like your story but i don't see the fantasy twist to it and the second part was a little hard to follow.
I kind of like the simplistic style and minimalism in this. It creates a nice tone and it's easy to digest.
Um, grammar-wise, you use periods in some places where they don't belong necessarily, like here:
If he's shouting, then you'd be okay in using exclamation points. Also, though this is just a personal nitpick of mine, you might want to use "okay" instead of "OK," but there's nothing wrong with the latter. (:
I'm definitely looking forward to the rest of this, though. Very good work!
HI!
Ok, I'm not going to correct grammatical errors mainly because I'm damn sleepy. It's past 12 and I'm just halfway through my assignments.
The one thing I found disturbing is the fact that these class 9 students seem a little immature. This I find, because I'm relating it with when we were in class 9. And the conversations need more in them, not just a few sentences.
This sentence makes Agni a confusing character. The prev chapter gave me the feel that she is sort of satisfied in being the nerd, and now it's like she's always suffered some complex.
Okay that's all I'm gonna say now. Waiting for the next chapter.
~Lava. G'night!