Smile

by bagelbaby

Published February 20, 2012

Every time I see you,
I can’t even explain
The fever boiling
Through my brain.
 
My palms get sweaty,
My heart is racing.
I can feel the blood
Run through my viens.
 
Stars are shining in your eyes,
I feel my heart exploding.
The sun is on the rise,
And love is growing.
 
I smile though my heart
Is aching for you.
I smile even though
It’s breaking without you.
 
But when there are clouds
In the sky, I know I’ll get by
If I conquer my fears.
 
Maybe someday…
You’ll see the sun
Come shining
Through for you.
Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
shanan-cat
Review
shanan-cat wrote a review Review · Feb 21, 2012

Good poem, but the layout is a little weird... I'd suggest to lay it out like so just so that people can read it better:

Every time I see you, I cant explain??
The fever boiling through my brain.
My palms get sweaty,
My heart is racing,
I can feel the blood running through my veins.
Stars shining in your eyes, I feel my heart exploding.
The sun is on rise,
And love is growing.
I smile though my heart Is aching for you.
I smile even though It's breaking without you.
But, when there are clouds In the sky,
I know I'll get by If I conquer my fears..
Maybe someday...
You'll see the sun Come shining through for you.


Just a few notes, there's no need to capitalize "through" or "running." Also, the double question marks doesn't make any sense. You should have actually made it sound like a question instead of a statement that you "can't explain." Same thing witht he "through for you" at the end, and there's no need for the "<3" because I think by then we already know you're talking about love (maybe, maybe not).

Otherwise, good work. :)

Sorry, I typed that really fast.
I meant:

"Everytime I see you, I can't explain
The fever boiling through my brain, ect."

And also:

"The Sun is on rise and love is growing...
But where there are clouds in the sky,
I know I'll get by if I conquer my fears."

Those were just some corrections that I decided just after I posted that to add in anyways.

Well, see... When I first submitted it, i did it from my phone, so that's how it ended up :/ Sorry, i'll fix it :)



No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.
— Daisy Bates