When no one dares to look,
Why do you stare?
All day long,
She's been on the verge of tears..
Nobody cares,
But everyone stares.
It takes out on her willingness to fight.
Now there's nowhere to go but home,
Back to the drawing board,
Back to square one.
Is this what you wanted?
'Cause everybody acts without a thought,
Looking, snooping, creeping
In on someone so innocent.
She doesn't have a clue
What's going on.
She's just a child.
So why still gaze upon her?
Why still stare?
Is it her beauty?
Her fiery spirit?
Or maybe it's the fire
You caught in her eyes.
Either which way,
It's over.
You're finished with her because
She's gone.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,733 Literary Works • 673,682 Reviews
This is very cute, and I like it. My biggest problem with it being that it seems to change into a different.....I don't know, but I feel as though it turns the story into a completely different one....I'm not sure what you could do about that though. So other than that very unhelpful bit of info you've done a very good job
.
. Good work, keep writing!
This was my absolute favorite stanza
Is it her beauty?
Her fiery spirit?
Or maybe it's the fire
You caught in her eyes.
Great job, perfect punctuation and perfect capitalization
This was definitely an interesting piece. I think it changed moods in the middle, going from a sort of melencholy (forgive my spelling) to a sort of anger/bitterness.
This was probably my favorite stanza, it was very lyrical and poetic and I could almost imagine music to it. Yes, I'm just that weird. It had emotion that described how people usually feel in this seemingly... broken hearted (right?) situation.I like it, kudos.
-Renn