For You, I'll Speak French

Cic: yep, I know it's old and bad French; the point was something like the first line being a ridiculously cliche poetic line ('meeting someone under the clock tower') - it's not a beautiful day and it's not good poetry and it's not good French because it's not Paris! Hopefully that's something people will grasp reading it.

Xanthamgum you spoke the words for me Well done Bob !
The title is just perfect, drags attention like KABOOM

Bob - Je parle français pour dix ans, donc, je comprendre. Mais votre phrase en français a tort. Peut-être, direz: ce n'est pas Paris, mais ma dame d'amour.

Basically, your sentence construction is wrong. In French, subjects and adjectives are often switched from where they are in English, which confuses many people attempting to learn French. Part of the reason I didn't understand "dame" is because normally when you say woman, you say "femme." Dame is a much older version. So you could even say "ma femme d'amour." That's probably the most correct thing to say in this case: "Ce n'est pas Paris, mais ma femme d'amour."

In fact, a little more advanced construction would be to say "mon amante," meaning lover. But that's getting nit-picky.

What more is there to say? Every single line was perfectly structured, you had enticing imagery, and wonderful language. Bob, you should always be in a good mood!

Bob, I'm dead impressed. This was simply... gorgeous. Beautiful. Amazing? Touching.

Be pround, sir, be very proud of this. ^_~ I have no bad remarks or even constructive criticism for you. My favorite stanza is the first, but the entire piece is just... wow...



~Dreamy

*hyperventilating* This is a flipping good piece of work.... if I could write like this... well, you know!
Ok my favourite bit was when you said "because we're poets" it just struck a cord with me and it really gripped my attention.
I am amazed, I actually have no problems with any of it I'm so happy I decided to read it in my lunch break... it made me start thinking.... of the one I love actually
love it!!!!!!!

Gros bisious

lanara xxxxxxxx

I find the last two lines of this stanza slightly confusing. If your lips are sealed, how are you "drinking life's lees"? Perhaps a few clarifying verbs? Here's my suggestion: "stoppered together, after drinking life's lees,/ from a bottle brim-full of cliche and pinot."

Well, this a few months behind the rest of the praise, but I thought I'd share a few thoughts:

'Meet me under the clock tower at one'
she said, and we laughed because we're poets,
drunk on a success that seals up the lips:
stoppered together, drinking of life's lees,
a bottle brim-full of cliche and pinot.

"Ce n'est pas Paris, mon amour de dame"

simply beautiful

My turn to echo all the praise.

This poem was great... Like I just said in a crit of something else a few minutes ago, I love it when poetry flows effortlessly, when the images come to life and you can't help but see exactly what's happening. It was just... wow... I loved "time-starved sun" and "bottle brim-full of cliche and pinot."

Great work.

Thanks for the encouragement, guys: something Incandescence said, about finding and dealing with your poetic voice kind of hit a nerve, a little while back - I guess this was something like my attempt at figuring out what I liked about and what I'd change about my own writing voice. I'll decide later how much I like the results

Anyway, thanks again.

Please have more good days - they seem to make you more inspired.

For me it was the pre-modifying hypenated adjectives that did it for me - "trenchcoat-clad", "time-starved", "angel-painted." Wonderful.

Bob,
this piece is excellent. Amazing, even. The way you write your poems leaves me breathless each time I read something you write, I'm jealous. Im wish I could find SOMETHING. ANYTHING. to actually critique on your part, so as to not feel as if Im just reading and saying "good job" and whatnot, but honestly, I cannot find fault with this poem. Excellent job. Again, I am jealous.

Good job yet again,
Dan

I read this the first time because I love French.
I read this the second time because I love this poem.

Seriously, this is so wonderful... It brought tears to my eyes because it made me miss my boyfriend so much, lol. Your imagery is excellent, as is your choice of words. Excellent.

Yeah, that's just... beautiful.
Does the french line mean something like "this is not Paris, my love"? Heh, I don't speak french. But it's very pretty.

I liked the middle stanza best.
the mind makes Arcs for us to shelter in:
a man can sit on old stone steps a while,
and shape a Notre Dame from every brick.
Amazing. The old man image is wonderful. And 'arcs' is a loverly word.

But the whole thing, was great.

xanthan gum wrote:why do you post poetry if you know that all your going to get is praise?
it's not fair. i'd pout, but i'd have nothing to complain about, really.
so i won't praise you. i'll be a stubborn child and just...read the poem...over and over and over again.

Very nice. Has a Pablo Neruda feel to it, only...English...and French. My favorite line?

"we laughed because we're poets"

Love it and I don't know why.

You should be proud. I don't write good poetry and I don't critique it because I don't know how to write it, and so I only post reviews of poems I like. So...congrats and good work.

-Sarah

why do you post poetry if you know that all your going to get is praise?
it's not fair. i'd pout, but i'd have nothing to complain about, really.
so i won't praise you. i'll be a stubborn child and just...read the poem...over and over and over again.