Published May 15, 2010
Deep within a forest haunted by stories of death and nightmares there stands a single cottage and within this cottage live three witches of great power named Silvia, Amethyst, and Ruby. It was the night of the full moon and a child was to be born. “It’s about time sisters, the child is almost here,” Silvia said. Amethyst and Ruby nodded their heads in understanding. Standing in a tight circle they each took the others hand and chanted the words of transportation. They were not the type of witches that people envision on Halloween night. The air around them picked up speed whipping at their dark cloaks giving the sensation of falling through mid air. As soon as it started it stopped and they stood in a dimly lit bedroom. They turned to face a woman lying in bed with a baby bundled in pink with the look of pure terror on her face.
“Ruby,” Silvia pushed. “I know.” She pushed her hood down transfixing her eyes into the woman’s. She began to hum a soft tune that had the woman’s eyes growing heavy and she knew what was about to happen and she couldn’t bear it but she also couldn’t keep the lovely voice out of her head and found herself falling into a deep sleep. Amethyst took the bundled baby from the woman’s arms and they made their way back to the cottage. The woman would have no memory of bringing the child into the world or ever seeing the strangers that took the child from her.
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Wow, I really liked this! It's the kind of thing that I would expect to read as an introduction to a book because I was wondering lots of things as I was reading and it made me want to read more.
To edit this, I would suggest clarifying who you're talking about when you use pronouns, and tell who is saying what as far as dialog goes. In my opinion, this is a really good piece of writing, other than a few grammar issues!
~Amylith
Hey babymagic!
All in all, this needs a little revising. There are some grammar issues that need fixing. I do like the lot but you need to expand the story e.g. add more dialogue, description etc. I has potential, but you need to go over it.
Keep Writing!
~Tamara