Published April 30, 2012
Noah tossed the rock making it skip across the frigid water.
You'll catch your sickness out here boy.
Noah turned his head to the side, the old man he'd seen everyday since moving to this town with his sister and mother.
He shrugged.
"Why not come with me? Help me with the animals?" the old man asked.
Noah glanced back at the still water before stuffing his hands into his pockets and shuffling off behind the old man.
"What are you doing out here all alone?" the old man asked.
Noah kept his head bowed.
Just thinking. I'm allowed-right?
The old man stopped, looking back at the boy, his sandy hair in a dissaray, brown eyes squinting against the early morning sun.
I wasn't pressing boy. Got a new pig in yesterday.
he heard Noah shuffle up beside him.
What'd ya name it?
The old man grinned.
Haven't yet. Hoped I could get you to help me out with that.
Noah's face took on a thoughful expression.
Is it a boy or a girl?
The old man chuckled.
I guess that's necessary information when namin an animal. It's a girl, cute little thing she is.
Noah let out a sigh.
I'm tired of girls. I'm always surrounded by 'em.
The old man laughed.
You have it rough, do ya?
Noah shrugged.
You could say that.
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141,839 Literary Works • 675,952 Reviews
This was short and sweet, and I liked it for that, however, there was one thing that really, really bugged me, and that was the inconsistency in your use of quotation marks. Some of the things Noah and the old man say are in quotation marks, but then others aren't, so it's confusing, both visually and grammatically.
The things said or thought that aren't set off in some way read like part of the narration (what's going on) at first, and it made me do several double-takes as I had to go back and reread sentences so they'd make sense. You really don't want to confuse your readers because confusing your readers means that your writing isn't easy to understand, and if your writing is too difficult to understand for your readers, then most of them will give up on reading. And you really don't want to turn away your readers, do you?
I'd strongly recommend going back through this and putting quotation marks around the things that are said. It would also be a good idea to perhaps italicize (or put 'single quotation marks' around) thoughts to make those easier to tell apart from the narration as well.
As it stands, one of the major reasons I finished reading this piece despite the confusion was that it was short. If it had been a longer piece, I'm not sure I would have finished reading it, Review Day or not.