My Journalistic Adventure

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was my first assignment on the job of journalism. With shoulder length black hair and almond shaped brown eyes charm was my specialty and I knew it would be needed in this field. I was sent to find the story of a woman that went by the name of Jewel Ray it wasn't her actual name she had it changed right after she married, it was said that her husband Darien Ray and her son Casey Ray had perished in a mysterious fire nearly twelve years ago. Others such as journalist and the media were skeptic of the story but could never get the woman to talk of the date. That was until I was assigned to it. I knew it wouldn't be easy her being a wealthy woman and being hounded all these years for the truth but that could not be used as an excuse. I had to find the truth of the story.

I was a mess of nerves and anxiousness. The office that morning had been rather quiet and I picked that up as being rather weird weren't we supposed to be a group of individuals that always had a new story to type up and hunt out? I went over to a new friend I had aquired only days before when I was getting a tour of my new work place her name was Jean and she was a shorter woman but knew the people and the floors like she knew the back of her hand. If I needed anything I was directed to go straight to her if I had any questions. Leaning against her door I peered in not wanting to disturb her if she was working on a piece. She noticed me right away and gave me a beaming smile.

Okay...well that's a decent start there. There's a nice bit of intrigue being introduced right from the start courtesy of the whole idea with this story that this person has to go through and adding in some interesting stakes there of how this hasn't been successful before and is likely to not be successful again. The only slight issue I see here is that the description there at the start is a bit awkward and doesn't really flow together with this piece as well as it should. Otherwise, I think we're off to a pretty solid start here. Let's see where this takes us.

Stepping inside I slipped into one of the swival chairs in front of her desk. "How does it go Libby?" She asked. I folded my hands in my lap. "It goes good but I was wondering, why is it so quiet in here? shouldn't people be like running everwhere to get a new story typed up?" No, I mean yes but it is not like that all the time. She explained. Oh, well thats all I really wanted to ask you I'm sorry if I took up your time. Don't worry about it I looked forward to getting a chance to talk with you anyway.

Well one thing I will point out right away is that those first couple of lines of dialogue should probably be their own paragraphs just so that we have that particular part flowing together nicely, but otherwise for the most part this is a nice little continuation from the previous sort of introductory bit here and its coming along well.

Getting from the chair I gave her a warm smile and stepped out. I wasn't even mere feet from my own cubicle when my boss asked me to meet me in his office something urgent had come to his attention. I had only just got there I don't believe I had done anything wrong. Or at least I hoped I hadn't. His office impressed me with its large mahogany desk and plush carpeting, it was so roomy. I wondered what it took to get to the level he was at. He pointed to the large chair in front of his desk. I sat quickly. His blue eyes scanned me but for what I couldn't be sure. "I have an assignment and I know it's early with you only just getting here and all but I wouldn't give you a new person a job I didn't think they could get. So here it is." he hesitated. "I want you to get the dirt or story if you don't like the term on Jewel Ray you know the name don't you?" I shook my head to indicate I did. Good. When can you get started. "Right away sir," I replied. Excellent I expect the story on my desk in three weeks time. Please don't dissapoint me I know there are other individuals that would die to gwt this story but I saw potential in you. So with that you can get started. I Shook his hand and got right to work.

I could not belive I was going to get the story that others that have been here for years have been trying to get, got. It was really something.

Hmm this scene there felt a tiny bit stilted because you were repeating things a little from the first little bit and once again there is a lack of paragraphing for the dialogue so the ending here is a tiny bit anticlimactic to how well the start was built up. Its headed in the right direction but you've gotta do a little bit better there to end on.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey Baby! I'm Hope and I'll be reviewing your story today!

It was my first assignment on the job of journalism.

This sentence is rather awkward, and as the first sentence of your story, doesn't really draw me in and want to read the rest of it.

With shoulder length black hair and almond shaped brown eyes, charm was my specialty and I knew it would be needed in this field.

Others, such as journalist and the media

That was is, until I was assigned to it.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, her being a wealthy woman, and being hounded all these years for the truth. But that could not couldn't be used as an excuse.

I was a mess of nerves and anxiousness anxiety.

The office that morning had been rather quiet and I picked that up as being rather weird weren't we supposed to be a group of individuals that always had a new story to type up and hunt out?

This is extremely awkward, it's worded in such a way that's confusing, and hard to read. Also you said "rather" very close together.

I went over to a new friend I had aquired acquired only days before when I was getting a tour of my new work place her name was Jean and she was a shorter woman but knew the people and the floors like she knew the back of her hand.

Okay here what I would suggest going is rewriting it to something like

I went over the Jean, a small woman who I had made friends with on my first day of work. She had been here a while and knew her way around.

But if you don't want to do that, then at least make that into two separate sentences.

If I needed anything I was directed to go straight to her if I had any questions with any questions I might have.

Leaning against her door I peered in, not wanting to disturb her if she was working on a piece.

She noticed me right away and gave me a beaming smile.

Stepping inside I slipped into one of the swival swivel chairs in front of her desk.

Add something to the effect of Jean telling her to come in, it makes it a little more realistic.

"How does it go Libby?" She asked. I folded my hands in my lap. "It goes good but I was wondering, why is it so quiet in here? Shouldn't people be like running everywhere to get a new story typed up?"

Okay so the folding of the hands is unnecessary, so if I were you I'd just cut it out. Also with dialogue it helps way way more if it's spaced out like this-

"How does it go Libby?" She asked.

"It goes good but I was wondering, why is it so quiet in here? Shouldn't people be like running everywhere to get a new story typed up?"

"No, I mean yes but it is not like that all the time," She explained.

"Oh, well that's all I really wanted to ask you I'm sorry if I took up your time."

"Don't worry about it I looked forward to getting a chance to talk with you anyway."

I wasn't even mere feet from my own cubicle when my boss asked me to meet me in his office. Something urgent had come to his attention.

"I wasn't even mere feet" That is really odd wording, try something else.

His office impressed me with its large mahogany desk and plush carpeting...it was so roomy.

He pointed to the large chair in front of his desk, and I sat down quickly.

His blue eyes scanned me but for what I couldn't be sure.

Again it's awkward here, try something else.

"I have an assignment, and I know it's early with you only just getting here and all but I wouldn't give you a new person a job I didn't think they could get. So here it is."

"but I wouldn't give you a new person a job I didn't think they could get." I'm sorry, but that makes no sense what so ever to me.

He hesitated a second before continuing.

"I want you to get the dirt or story if you don't like the term on Jewel Ray you know the name don't you?"

Again...what?

I shook nodded my head to indicate I did.

"Good. When can you get started?"

"Right away sir," I replied.

"Excellent I expect the story on my desk in three weeks time. Please don't dissapoint disappoint me I know there are other individuals that would die to get this story, but I saw potential in you. So with that you can get started."

I shook his hand and got right to work.

I could not believe I was going to get the story that others that have been here for years have been trying to get, got.

What's with the extra got at the end?

Overall it seems like a sort of interesting story once you get past the fact that it's totally bunched up (which by the way makes it extremely difficult to read) and the strangely worded sentences, and the easily caught spelling errors. It's got potential, but right now it's not living up to it. Add more detail, and give your MC a little depth. I hope I haven't sounded too mean.

Good luck and keep writing!

~Hope