My Everything (Don't be to harsh it's only a start)

Nice start

babymagic18 wrote: Eric Chadsworth is leaning #FF0000 ">hmm, i think you could replace 'is leaning' with leans. to me it sounds better against the picture window of his study dressed in a plain blue v necked shirt and jeans. #FF0000 ">i don't like how you've mentioned what he's wearing, it's a bit tell-y. you could show what he is wearing by saying he absentmindedly ran his finger along the v neck of his shirt then shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans to stop himself or something. i dunno. or maybe it's the same shirt he was wearing on that dreary November day and that's what reminds him. also, you described what he's wearing, but not what he actually looks like. what's his epression? eye & hair colour? little stuff like that matters big time He is mesmerized #4000FF ">by the gentle motion #4000BF ">of the slap #4000BF ">of the waves against the shore. #FF0000 ">by the, of the, of the... all of those kill this nice sentence. you should weed some of those out, even change the sentence a bit so it might read; the gentle motion of the waves slapping against the shore mesmerizes him A memory has surfaced while standing there, it was a little more than five years old yet it came to his mind as if it had only occurred the day before.
It had been a dreary November day with cool winds and a greying sky. He couldn't find anything to occupy his mind away from the mood depressing day. He turned to his last resort. Grabbing Lexie and her leash he head out for a walk. #FF0000 ">i think you should replace that full stop with a comma because the next sentence is a run on from the last. Knowing not many people would be out on a day such as this made it nicer for him.
A little ways into the woods he bent down to scratch behind his golden retrievers ears and free her of the leash. The woods were the only place he could let her off the damn thing #FF0000 ">this is good. it shows the reader how he feels about the leash. i too hate putting my dog on a leash. Letting his feet drag over the loose dirt, twigs and acorns he listened to the birds chirping and the wind as it rustled through the trees. There was no place he could think of that brought him more peace than the woods.