Published June 8, 2012
As the line inched up for book checkouts Katherine looked down at her six year old son's empty hands.
"Was it necessary to get all these books on the same topic?"
His tea blue eyes tilted up at her. "Reptiles are cool mom, you'll see."
While he'd stacked book after book into her arms she'd only been sucessful in finding one new cookbook for herself. It was hard at times being a single mother with a child that always wanted to go out and see new and interesting things. Katherine made a sharp intake of breath as she was bumped and the stack of lbrary books in her arms fell in the dorection of her son. He dodged out of harm's way, all the books but hers crashing to the floor.
"I'm sorry honey, are you alright?" she asked.
Nodding yes he offered to take some books.
"Here let me help you," another voice said.
Katherine turned to see light brown eyes and a gentle smile. "Thank you."
He paused when he caught sight of the book in her arm. "That was the first cookbook I checked out from this place."
Her eyes glanced down. "Would you say you're a decent cook?"
With a few books in his own arm he stood chuckling. "I think we missed a step. Hi, I'm Brady Clayton."
She held out a hand. "I'm sorry, Katherine Tucker."
"I'd say I'm pretty decent," he said.
She noticed a mischief glint in his eyes.
"My mom's not. She burns our food almost every time," her son said.
She let out a breath. "I don't mean to."
Brady's mischief turned to amusement looking at him. "Would you like it if I offered to help your mom become a better cook?"
She felt her cheeks heat. "Oh, I couldn't. You're probably busy."
"It's really no trouble, I have some time."
Her son placed a hand on her arm. "You won't burn the food anymore mom."
"My son and I are just a ways down the street from here."
Their books checked out they left.
"How long have you been cooking?" Katherine asked.
He shrugged a broad shoulder. "Some time now."
She creased her eyebrows. That was vague. Maybe he didn't like to brag? Coming to their apartment door she turned the key in the lock.
Dropping all the books but hers to the loveseat she stepped into the kitchen. He flipped the pages coming to the middle.
"Would you like something of a challenge?"
She made a face.
"Okay, no challenge. This could work."
She peered over at the page. "He'll enjoy that."
They got down to work.
"Is that how you hold your knife?" he asked.
She looked down guitily. "I...suppose."
He stepped behind her placing his hands over hers. "Like this."
With a guiding hand they'd created a masterful salad. As they cleaned up Katherine had a feeling of recognition of Brady; but where at?
"Katherine, you okay?" he asked as they were eating.
She looked away. "Yes. I'm fine." "Brady?"
"Yes."
"Why so vague about my question earlier?"
Her son's eyes danced between them.
"I didn't find it important so long as I could offer a helping hand."
She quirked an eyebrow.
"I'll help you clear away the dishes and see my way out."
As she rinsed and he dried his eyes went to the small array of books above her stove.
"Did you ever dream of being a cook?"
She smiled. "Not me.It was always something more...edible for once." "Thank you again for coming over."
Dishes finished he picked up his books as he made his way to the door. Winking he opened it to three women holding matching books out.
"You were right. It is Brady!" one squealed.
Katherine's eyes zeroed in on the cover. "You're "the" Brady Clayton-famous chef?"
He pulled his lips in. He watched her turn back to the books above the stove, pull one away.
"I can't belive I didn't put it together, that salad we prepared; it's similar to the one in the first chapter of your book."
Sliding a sharpie from his pocket he popped the cap with his teeth. "There's hope for you yet Katherine."
With an apologetic expression he shut the door behind him.
"You think he'll be over again mom?" her son asked.
She miled down at the signature. "There's a good chance."
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140,387 Literary Works • 673,143 Reviews
Hello! I have to say, I really loved this piece. There was something about it's innocence and pure storytelling that I felt was extremely appealing. Your pacing was right on and your style fit the story. You also use description extremely well. I just have a few comments.
1. Grammar, Punctuation and Friends
There were a number of things I found. Just remember, before you post, it would be wise to run your piece through a word processor that could catch some of the simpler mistakes.
I think you mean "teal."
"Direction."
This is a case of of a missing comma to separate clauses. Also, I would suggest adding a transition word to make the line a bit less awkward. "After their books were checked out, they left."
There are probably some things I missed, so I would suggest rereading this, looking specifically for these issues. Something that helps me is reading backwards. This may sound bizarre, but it helps your mind focus on each word individually as they interact with the others around it, as opposed to the meaning of an entire phrase.
2. Structure
Remember that paragraph breaks are your friend and that you should place them between strains of dialogue and between different ideas expressed by a chunk of words. They would really help clean up your piece and make it less choppy, as well as improve organization.
3. Details
I feel like you're extremely skilled at characterisation. All of your characters seem well described for the length of your story. However, what I'm missing is description in terms of setting. It's important that you describe the setting, using various literary techniques such as imagery, as it really helps involve your reader and capture their imaginations. For a story as short as this one, setting plays a vital part in engaging your reader and helping to flesh out your story.
4. Title
The title plays a very important part in helping the reader understand what a story is about. I think your title does not really do the piece justice. As your piece is about Katherine, it's also about much more. It seems to me that she is discovering confidence with the help of a mysterious friend and that she's changed her life through cooking. I think adding some element of this could help a reader understand what you're trying to describe in this story and why it's important that they read it.
In all, I really liked this story. It definitely made me smile. I do hope you consider some of my suggestions above as I think they could make your story even better.
Thanks for the good read,
Threnody
1] Couple of spelling mistakes at the beginning:
Thanks for sharing!
"stack of (lbrary) books in her arms fell in the (dorection) of her son..."
2] "She noticed a (mischievous) glint in his eyes..."
3] Spelling: "She looked down (guitily)..."
I probably didnt get everything because it really sucked me in after a while. I like your characters, especially the bantering Brady
Trick