Adam and Eva

Heya
Here to review!

Red = Corrections/negatives
Blue = Things I like
Bold = My comments/suggestions

Adam,

Its been three weeks since your leaving and with every passing day, my heart feels heavier with loneliness, for I can't help but to feel sick with worry over you. If only you had known how my heart had beat for you as we parted. This was sweet! When you boarded that ship I knew the wait for you I would have to endure. This sentence was a bit unclear and awkward to read. Try rephrasing it so that it's clearer. Yet I know when you return home, you will tell me of your journey of the foreign land in great detail. I'll listen in complete mesmerization and hang on to your every word, wishing I could have been there with you. I pray for you. -Your love, Eva

Eva,

As your adventurous heart longs for me, mine longs for your in return.This line had a really nice feeling to it. To you, I make this promise. Someday I'll take you away to paradise where we'll see the exotic and the beautiful. We will create a memory box and bury it in a place only the two of us know about. On my return, I will present you with a gift; I hope you treasure it always. Until I am able to wrap you in my arms again, I pray for your well being also. -Your love, Adam

Adam,

My father has been pressing me about my childish ways and has looked down upon my climbing trees and coming home with skinned knees. He wants to know when I will grow up and begin acting like a young woman should. It's different with you, you accept me as I am, skinned knees and all, and I am grateful for that.-Your love, Eva

Overall

Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed reading this. It was very short, but in my opinion, very sweet indeed! Some of the things that you said were really clever and refreshing to read, You had some really nice quotes in this. I also liked the whole letter format thing, I think that it was rather effective and was a nice touch. I also really liked the names of your characetrs; Adam and Eva.

My main critique though is that your story doesn't really seem like a story. There is no real plot to your story. There's no clear beginning, climax or ending. I'm thinking that this piece of writing would actually be more suited in the 'Other' forum, or something. Like I said before, they are letters, after all. I'm not saying that this is bad or anything, I just think that this would get some better reviews in the 'Other' forum. There's no real conflict either in this, except for the two people being apart, that is. That's not really conflict though, it's more of a problem really. It's always important to have conflict in a story, it makes it a lot more interesting!

As for nit-picks, I noticed that you didn't use many commas, at all. There was the odd one dotted around here and there, but you did miss out an awful lot. I wrote the commas in red in the areas where I thought they were needed. Commas are something that can be really confusing when it comes to grammar, a lot of people struggle with using them properly. This isn't too hard to sort out though, you just need to practice using them. Also, I'm pretty sure that there's at least one thread here on YWS that gives advice on the use of commas. Have a look around and maybe you might find one? If I find one, I'll definitely post the link here for you.

Another issue I had with this was your characters. To be honest, the three letters sounded as though they had been written by the same person. I mainly think this because the writing style of both the letters were the same, which is understandable, because they're both written in your writing style. Maybe you could change the writing style a bit for the letter from Adam, or something? Also, because they were just letters, we didn't know what your characters looked like. The other problem with your characters is the fact that we don't know anything about them. We know that Eva has a father who thinks she's immature, but that's basically it. I want to know things like how Adam and Eva met, how much time they spent together, why did they have to separate. Details like this make a story. Just something to bear in mind.

Even though I saw errors in this, I also saw positive things. The names of your characters, for example. I thought that it was very clever how you chose Adam and Eva to be their names. Adam and Eve? I love it when someone concentrates on little details like that when they write a story. Little details are just as important as the bigger details. I just wish that I knew more about the people themselves! Although I love the names, I would also like to learn to love the characters. By giving your characters vivid personalities, it also makes the reader feel towards the character. It makes the reader feel sympathetic, sad, happy, excited while the characters are also feeling these emotions.

Overall, I definitely thought that this was sweet. It was rather short and not much happened, but what you did write was good. Some of your quotes were really cute and they made me feel warm inside. I think that you should move this to another forum though, a better suited one. Mostly because you will get some better reviews that way, it's for your benefit really.

Keep writing and good luck! If you want another review from me, just ask me in my Will Review For Food Thread.

xoxo Skins