Published April 30, 2010
Noah Wilder would be the last name you put to the face of the man that stood nearly six feet tall, all muscle, with teal eyes that could cut right through you when he wanted answers. No, Noah would definitely not be the first name you thought of. Named after his gentle grandfather his mother had thought to raise him to be brought up in the same manner, but that dream was short lived by the time the boy she knew turned seventeen. There were continuous phone calls from the school asking for her to come and get her troubled child so that the learning atmosphere would not be riled up. Every time she saw him it was a new story but they all had something to do with his name. She knew that there was more to it than that but when she tried to press him to talk about it all she got was the cold shoulder. His father played a part in it that was certain. She had married far to young to even know what she was getting herself into at the time. A year and a half later she gave birth to her beautiful son. With little money and little hopes of a future he walked out on them to find something more. Heartbroken and alone she made a promise that she would do everything she could for her son to have a better life.
She had kept her promise but he had kept a secret. He had got a good life but that good life had harbored a mean streak that he could not shadow if only from his mother. He knew it would only bring her shame.
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140,387 Literary Works • 673,143 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...well this is an interesting piece. Its a little hard to place exactly what this is meant to be here since it seems to be leaning between some sort of prologue of sorts or some form of premise not to mention it feels like its a little bit incomplete here from what I can see right away. At any rate, I think I'll treat this as a bit of a prologue considering it hasn't been titled to reflect what it is.
Aaand well as a prologue, this seems like an interesting bit of setup. It is mildly confusing to start with. I think maybe there's a few too many he's used there or something along those lines and it takes a couple of reads to understand who is referring to who but that might just be me. I just think perhaps splitting that rather large paragraph into two would be nicer and make it a tad bit clearer perhaps.
At any rate though, that particular bit of information coupled with that ending does make for a couple of interesting premises here so I think you've certainly got a few interesting things going down here. It does feel like perhaps there should be something more since this part doesn't feel like too much of an ending but from what we do have I think its interesting enough I'd potentially want to read more of this.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey Babymagic,
Your story is in big blocks that I think should be broken up into easily readable paragraphs. I really couldn't read anything because it hurt my eyes. The 'spacebar' is your friend. I would be happy to review this if it is evenly spaced.
Keep Writing.
Anger.