A New Chapter

Since you reviewed something of mine, I thought I would repay the favour. Well, let's get cracking. Grammatical corrections will be in green, spelling in blue and anything else I feel like mentioning in purple.

babymagic18 wrote:Jocelyn, you’re running and you are not running from me, you’re running from the truth.

Woah there. Don't forget to put commas in! I need a break in reading you know.

You know what you did and I understand you are scared, but I can help you. Believe me, the past does not have to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Question... is this said? If it is, please put in correct punctuation such as, "Jocelyn, you're running..."

She stopped struggling long enough to see the sincerity in his golden brown eyes. Way to kick me when I’m down she thought.

Just a general comment, try putting thoughts in italics. Also, she was struggling? Since when?

He released her wrist from his firm hold, never averting his eyes from hers.

Commas!

“So then, what do I do now?” she asked.

When someone new is speaking go to a new line.

He sighed deeply raking his hand through his raven hair. Good question, but I’m going to need time to come up with a solution. “Time is the one thing I fear we don’t have.” She said.

I'm a little confused about this... is he thinking this? Saying this? Or is she thinking that and then saying something else? Please make this sentence more clearer.

“I can’t allow you to stress this out alone and you know I can’t”, he said.

Uhhh, this part doesn't look right. I'm not sure why. I think the comma needs to be in the speech.

She hadn’t meant to bring him into this mess, but damn he was a persistent one.

Comma.

Why, oh, why did she have to be the naive teenage girl that fell for the biker bad boy?

Like this question.

But you can’t repeat the past all you can do is look on to the future.

Ummm, repeat the past? This makes very little sense. I know what you intended, however I think "redo" sounds more matched to this sentence.

Overall:

I have to say I wasn't particularly taken by any of this. Had this been a book I would've put it down. Your title makes no sense. Even if this were a chapter in a novel it would still make no sense since it had no number nor real title. I didn't know what was happening at the start. So far, I see very little character from the so-called "bad biker boy" and Jocelyn doesn't seem all to interesting. I have yet to see where this story is going or where it has been.

The good things about this - You didn't have a single spelling mistake. Keep up the good work! Also, there were hardly any grammatical mistakes apart from all the commas you appear to have ignored. You put in little tidbits about more facts which is always a curious thing.

Keep up the good work!

Have A Nice Day,
Azrael.

Hi there. This will be my first shot at reviewing a short story so here goes

I will start with what I did not like. So, I get what is going on in this story but honestly I feel the emotion is not enough. I feel I am reading a bunch of words with no meaning. I mean, I am a sucker for love stories, but like I said, it is not believable.
And then the structure of the writing. I don't know if that's how you do it,

babymagic18 wrote: He released her wrist from his firm hold never averting his eyes from hers. “So then, what do I do now?” she asked. He sighed deeply raking his hand through his raven hair. Good question, but I’m going to need time to come up with a solution. “Time is the one thing I fear we don’t have.” She said.
“I can’t allow you to stress this out alone and you know I can’t”, he said. She hadn’t meant to bring him into this mess but damn he was a persistent one. From the moment he saw her tear streaked face from the hotel lobby he hadn’t given her a moment’s peace. Why oh why did she have to be the naive teenage girl that fell for the biker bad boy? She could have, should have listened to the badgering words of her family and friends. But you can’t repeat the past all you can do is look on to the future.

I think you should separate the quotes from the other writing; this way its neat and I as the reader won't feel lazy to read through your story. Because it just feels like you threw everything in one place and it is a mess. So please like, leave a space from the time you quote and after that so that you can tell the difference from when someone is speaking and when you are explaining.
For example,

He released her wrist from his firm hold never averting his eyes from hers.

“So then, what do I do now?” she asked.

He sighed deeply raking his hand through his raven hair,

"Good question, but I’m going to need time to come up with a solution."

“Time is the one thing I fear we don’t have.” She said.

Jocelyn you’re running and you are not running from me you’re running from the truth. You know what you did and I understand you are scared but I can help you. Believe me the past does not have to haunt you for the rest of your life. She stopped struggling long enough to see the sincerity in his golden brown eyes. Way to kick me when I’m down she thought.

The part in bold; is someone talking or is Jocelyn thinking? Maybe you forgot to quote.
And that is not the only part,

He sighed deeply raking his hand through his raven hair. Good question, but I’m going to need time to come up with a solution.

I think you forgot to quote in this part too.
Hey, I hope I helped. And like I said before, I am a sucker for love stories so I will give the idea of your story a thumbs up. Good job.