Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
INT. MOTEL ROOM – 2 AM
Stained wallpaper deteriorates and forms the background for a metal bed frame with a MAN wrapped in dirty linens. A 16 year old girl, ALYSSA, with greasy, stringy hair stands up from the bed and grabs the $800 laying on the bedside table. Not a word exchanged between the two as she exits the room draped in a silk bathrobe. She heads down the stairs holding a lit cigarette and enters the bathroom.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM – APPROXIMATELY 2:14 AM
White and green tile cover the walls and floor. She flings open one of the green doors leading to a stall and stuffs herself into the small space. The lid to the toilet is cracked and emits a strong odor. She shakes as she shoves her hand up the plastic toilet paper dispenser. A look of desperation in her eyes. One swift motion pulls out the plastic ziplock bag.
ALYSSA
(Trying to make an excuse)
After a hard night at work you deserve this release.
She empties the final amount of white powder onto the straight edge of the toilet paper dispenser. Forms a line with her fingers. Camera pans away as you hear a sniff.
FADE TO:
EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREETS - 2 PM
ALYSSA walks down the streets wearing a basic hoodie, skinny jeans, and AIRWALK boots. A dark skinned male in Versace brushes past ALYSSA as a transaction is made. The bag is swapped for 500 of the 800 dollars she earned the night before. They both continue walking, not even a glance.
ALYSSA entered a small cafe to meet a fair skinned male dressed in business attire. She slid into the red apholsetered booth and took a sip of the coffee he, BARON, had already ordered her.
BARON
How were last nights sales?
ALYSSA
It was a fairly successful night.
ALYSSA slides $150 across the table.
BARON
Tonight you will be on the corner of Broadway Ave and 42nd St. I expect a huge payout. See you tomorrow. I'm coming over.
ALYSSA
I'll be hanging.
CUT TO:
INT. ALYSSA'S KITCHEN - 9 PM
Steam rises from the pan of boiling water. ALYSSA pours in the contents of a Kraft mac and cheese powder packet. She grabs a bowl and poors in the mixture. A montage of clips show her eating and eating. When she is done she walks over to the door leading to her bathroom.
CUT TO:
INT. ALYSSA'S BATHROOM - 9:30 PM
She rushes to the toilet and forces her fingers down her throat demanding the food to come up. Her vomit hits the toilet seat and dangles on her mouth. She repeats this motion a few more times then closes the lid and sits calmly on it. She reaches to one of the doors to the cabinets under her sink. She pulls out the fresh bag and sets it on her lap. She picks it up gently and spreads out a line.
ALYSSA
(To herself)
You're a worthless human being. There's nothing else for you to live for.
CUT TO:
EXT. CORNER OF BROADWAY AND 42ND - 11 PM
ALYSSA sits in her black leather trench coat and fishnet leggings. Her cigarette lays on the concrete ledge she leans on. A middle aged man comes up and takes her cigarette slowly raising it to his lips and takes a puff.
MAN
That's one nice fag.
ALYSSA
Thanks. How much you got?
MAN
$300.
ALYSSA
Sorry sweetie, but you've gotta do better than that. Unless you're after a hug and a kiss.
MAN
How's $1,500?
ALYSSA
After you.
The man tosses the cigarette to the ground and ALYSSA stomps it out. The MAN hails a taxi and they both climb in.
CUT TO:
INT. MAN'S APARTMENT - 12 AM
The door creeps open and the two shuffle in. The MAN goes to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of wine. He pulls out a cork screw and uncorks the bottle.
MAN
Would you like some wine?
ALYSSA
No thanks. I never socialize with my customers.
MAN
You will drink a glass of wine.
The man takes two wine glasses from the rack hanging above his head and pours wine into both. He slides the glass across the granite counter to ALYSSA who is sitting on a stool.
ALYSSA
I really won't drink that, but I appreciate the effort.
Behind the MAN is a knife stand. He whips around and pulls out one of the sharp blades.
MAN
You are the whore here and you will do as I say!
His hands wave wildly as he directs her to the bed with his knife.
MAN
Go lay on the bed and disrobe you worthless, disobedient girl.
ALYSSA gets up and moves to the frame as she holds back the tears welling in her eyes. She shrugs off the coat and removes her shoes. Then she kneels onto the bed and lays down.
MAN
Good girl. Now let's have a little fun.
He travels over to the bed and tosses the knife to the side. From under his bed he pulls a wooden box and opens it. The box is filled with whips, braces, and costumes. Laying next to ALYSSA is a glass that no longer contains anything. ALYSSA grabs it and smashes it over the man's head. He falls to the floor and ALYSSA runs to the door. The man chases after but is too slow. The door slams in his face before he could reach ALYSSA. She runs down the stairs crying and laughing hysterically.
CUT TO:
INT. ALYSSA'S BEDROOM - 9 AM
An empty ziplock bag lays on the floor next to a razor blade. The camera pans to two bare dangling feet. ALYSSA'S arms have 9 deep cuts to release the blood she used to write "worthless" on the wall behind her hanging body. BARON knocks on the door. Beat. He kicks in the door yelling.
BARON
(Yelling)
You know I don't like waiting Alyssa!
His face goes pale and he falls to his knees. He cradles his face in his palms and sobs.
FADE OUT.
THE END.
WHOA! Raw, realistic and saddening, this is great stuff.
Have you heard of the App "Episode Interactive?" I think that this story would fit in very well there. You seem to have a good sense of imagination, and that is really good for your story. You're not afraid of saying what is really going on, which is interesting to say the least.
Overall, this was a good effort, although I don't know why you capitalized the names 
Hey there writer! Just a few hopefully helpful comments on a piece of writing that holds ton of potential.
First off, i'd like to point my finger in the direction of Alyssa. We can see that she is going through a lot in her current situation, but it never really pins down anything that can help us figure out what kind of person she REALLY is, just the type of person life has shifted her to be forced to be. A little development on her part would make it really clear, maybe a flashback or something.
And then the Baron- i was particularly confused with his reaction since he seemed so cruel before and seemingly careless. It's a little misleading and pushes the viewer or reader to be confused as to how they should feel about the Baron. Development on his part would be good too.
A bit more detail on her life and background would help the viewer understand and relate better. Its a really work piece of work so far, but with a few changes it'd be amazing!
Ummmm.......Wow. That was a really creative story! The only problem was that you didn't say why the man wanted to do that to Alyssa. I'd assume he was just insane, but it was a bit random to have him do that just out of the blue. Other than that, I'd say that it was a pretty good play.
That was a rather graphic and have screenplay if I do say so myself. You did a nice job executing it though. You really showed the life and a struggle of a prostitute, a topic very few people are willing to write let alone read. I wish we had had more character development from and a backstory on how she became a prostitute. Other than those few critiques, nicely done.
Hey Hemingway~
You've got some heavy topics here. It's good to see someone writing about them.
I want to focus on characters in this review. I don't feel like Alyssa is very easy to relate with. In fact, just like characters can be overpowered, I think Alyssa has too many problems. Now, I wouldn't necessarily fix this by cutting her addiction, bulimia, or self harm. What I think you should do is make sure that you let the audience see the good side of Alyssa. While she is in a terrible situation, there has to be some iota of good in her life.
Adding this view of what is good about Alyssa also makes us mourn her loss more later on. As it is, viewers may not care that Alyssa kills herself because she was already at rock bottom. It's not nearly as effective as watching someone who had something to live for throw it away.
I think we also need to see more of the innerworkings of Alyssa. The obvious connection between her attack and her suicide are rather strange. The logical decision to me seems to be that she would quit prostitution out of fear. What element makes it so that she kills herself instead? Worthless is a word brought up throughout the entire piece, but the attacker only mentions it once. In everything that's happening, her blood pumping adrenaline coursing through her, would she really remember one tiny word? I think you may need to make her attacker push the worthless thing a little more, perhaps a little more dialogue.
Then finally, Baron is a little hard to pin down. If he owns Alyssa and makes her be a prostitute for a living, why does he care when she dies? He doesn't seem very caring, even until the last moment before he starts sobbing. I think the sobbing, in fact, detracts from what you're trying to say. In fact, I think your point would be clearer if you made it so that no one cared about Alyssa's death. You'd be able to punch home the worthless theme just a little bit more.
I do think your scenes are quite well done. I'll be interested to see what else you bring to the table.
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, let me know.
Welcome to YWS btw. If you have questions about the site, I can also help you out,
Megs~
Babyhemingway, this screenplay is quite graphic but I think you executed it in a very artistic way. Get it? Executed? Okay sorry back to making useful comments. If I interpreted this correctly, then this is a social commentary on sex slavery. If that is the case then I admire the fact that you were so blunt, it shows that prostitution is a serious matter which needs to be addressed directly. I truly can't think of much negative feedback. All I might say is possibly using stronger adjectives but since this is a screen play I don't think that's necessary. Good work, I hope to see more of your stories! Oh and by the way, I like your name.
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