Heyou!
Welcome to YWS, most importantly! I hope you enjoy your stay
Nows, onto the review. Firstly, this does seem a little too short. I think you should expound on the feelings you've already created. Other than that, I liked this. The opening line is good, drawing the reader in, 'intense' being such a strong word. Maybe it's just me, but I don't, however, really get what you mean by 'your sweet spot'. Are you referring to the narrator's toucher's sweet spot or do you switch narrator for the last line? It was just a little confusing for me.
An example of where expounding should occur (in my opinion!) I think are necessary. Ahem. When you say that the narrator's breathing is starting to change, it's implied that it gets heavier, but I believe it would benefit from being mentioned. Just stating that it changes seems sort of lack-luster/anti-climatic.
As for the rest, you should at least think about expanding on this core. If for nothing else, than merely to get more depth into the character. I do like the scene this creates (man that sounds perverted on some level... or maybe it's just me), and I think it would benefit from higher levels of detail (scents, sounds, maybe even tastes). Including all the senses usually brings a scene more to life. Just something to bear in mind.
Hope this helps, if not in this work, then in some future works! Keep writing. ^^
Your's truly,
-Life
Points: 914
Reviews: 129
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