All Alone

Thanks for the crits! I'll see what I can do to improve this. I'm glad that it turned out okay seeing as that I only wrote in 2 minutes when I had nothing to do but stare at the computer monitor..

This poem gives a reader mixed feelings. It had a good flow for the

Alone in the darkness,
Without a light in sight,
Melancholy threatened to swallow me whole.

I tried to reach out for somebody,
Cried desperately for anybody,
But no one was there.

"Where is everyone? Where have they all gone?"
I shouted at the darkness.
Yet no one responded but my own echo.

For the first time I truly felt alone,
Fear was eating me up from the inside,
Just before darkness swallowed me.

This poem gives a reader mixed feelings. It had a good flow for the

Alone in the darkness,
Without a light in sight,
Melancholy threatened to swallow me whole.

I tried to reach out for somebody,
Cried desperately for anybody,
But no one was there.

also the rhyme scheme was going well with the rythm until.

"Where is everyone? Where have they all gone?"
I shouted at the darkness.
Yet no one responded but my own echo.

For the first time I truly felt alone,
Fear was eating me up from the inside,
Just before darkness swallowed me.

I think it needs some work but it has great potential. Pretty good job though.

In some parts this didn't seem to....flow...to well. But in other parts it did.

I quite liked it all in all. Nice imagery and such. Well done.

Hmm.. I have raging and mixed feelings about this and to be honest, I just don't know what to make of it. I liked some parts but then when I reached another line, I thought; this really doesn;t work well - or it just doesn't work with me.

I enjoyed the imagery that you created through the piece and I thought that some was really original, but others I have just heard so much before. Maybe I cannot quote on this as I have trouble with originality and cliches, but when you say; "Just before the darkness swallowed me" I thought that this could be changed, as this term is used so many times and I just think; boring.

I have no suggestions on how you can change it - apologies - and I know that it probably doesn't help much, but I think it could be edited to sound more dramatic and make the reader think of the author as being lost and all alone, without any hope left?

Overall, I enjoyed reading this.

I like it, I like it. There was no spelling or grammar mistakes (better than I could do). But I think it would be better if you made it into a story, you would feel for the character much more.
And the bit where she is shouting out into the darkness,

Where is everyone? Where have they all gone