Time

Hey there! Welcome to YWS! I hope that you like it as much as I do.
You've got a great concept here. Oftentimes, we forget that we're constantly moving through time, and that every second can be wasted if we aren't thinking about what we're doing.
While I love your concept, I feel like this poem has a lot to improve upon. I feel like this poem would be better off if you used a wider range of vocabulary, or tried to make the prose more flowing and continuous. At this point, it feels bulky and clunky, which doesn't do much for a poem about time.
Specifically, I would condense a couple things, while stretching out others. "It's still ticking/the clock, that is." can easily be condensed to, "Because the clock still ticks." and it still has a good effect. I would also expand on the "Value it" line, adding more before and below it to emphasize your point.
In all, this is a great start! Keep up the good work.

Timmy here for a short review!

So first off, I should welcome you to YWS!! So welcome! What a piece to start off with. Wow. I am pretty amazed by it, really. Very original idea, and the idea of a clock isn't too cliché, either. I love your poem!!!

Nitpicks

Every second

Every blink of an eye

Theres no control with time ----The last line here needs some touching up. Its a true line, but doesn't fit in with the rest. Maybe There is no controlling time? Or One more moment passes Something that works with the first two lines in that part I pulled out

If you want time

Value it ---That doesn't make sense, really. Valuing time doesn't give you more of it, necessarily.

It's still ticking

The clock, that is. ---We have only been talking about one thing ticking here, so you don't need that second part of the second line... Maybe, The clock is still ticking and cut out the first line that I pulled out?

Deadman with a quick short review for you. Great poem, I really do like it. Time is such a vast concept I'm surprised you picked it. You did a great job though! You captured your topic very well.

Pros-
1. Great flow
2. Great formatting
3. You grasped the concept and executed it perfectly.

Cons-
1. I only have one. You inserted the word "time" I feel like if you left it out it would be much better. If someone reads the title, and reads that last line, they could easily figure it out.

"Theres no control with time

If you want time" Instead of time I would have used "it" and it makes it seem a little more ominous. That's clearly my opinion so that's fully up to you.

I liked the poem I really did. I'd like to say welcome to YWS, and if you need any help feel free to shoot me a PM. I can't wait to see more from you, and until next time, happy writing!



Cheers,




Deadman XD

Nice poem! I like how it really fits with the world and how life stops for no one.



Theres no control with time

If you want time

Value it

It's still ticking

The clock, that is.



Ah, this is amazing. Like, im trying to put together a good review, but all I can say is how cool this one is. You did a really good job. It's short, but short's not bad in poetry.


Keep it up!