Cracked, lines diverging,
Looking as the truth's emerging,
You can't see but do you need to?
I mean, what good does the outside world do,
It lies and cheats and steals our hearts,
Robs us and cheats us of our arts,
The best things in life are not free,
They were stolen from people like you and me,
That's why we don't need the outside,
Who wants to see how else the world lied,
Just stay and watch the cracks,
As the worlds steals stacks and plaques.
Hear it: https://soundcloud.com/arksofye/cracked-word
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,793 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
I really found myself enjoying this poem and the way you tackled it's subject matter. While the topic is something which has been done before you took in on in a very orignal way.
For me these were the best lines. They just flowed so well and had a very strong voice. What I would say is add some more varied imagery and word choice. Without them poems tend to be rather bland and dull so watch out of that.
All in all an enjoyable poem which I'll be re-reading soon.
I really enjoyed reading this, and the message it portrayed.
I mean, what good does the outside world do, (question mark instead of comma)
It lies and cheats and steals our hearts,
Robs us and cheats us of our arts,
You repeat 'cheats' twice. Maybe use a word like steals or beats. Also I would reword it to flow better: Robs and cheats us of our arts.
Who wants to see how else the world lied, (question mark instead of comma)
Other than that well done!
You repeat 'cheats' twice, maybe you could use decieve/fraud. I don't know if I sort of miss the point in poetry if I approach with logic (maybe I don't understand poetic freedom), but aren't the lines 'You can't see but do you need to?' and 'Who wants to see how else the world lied, Just stay and watch the cracks,' sort of contradictory? I like the ending, so I wouldn't change that. I imagine being in a room with 'diverging' cracks in the wall, through which you can see the outside world (whose light makes them diverge) and the horrors of it, the so called 'truth'. So maybe it's just me, but I understood your mentioned 'truth' as that and something you can see, but choose not to.