Young Writers Society

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

The previous reviewer already covered most things relating to the content of the poem, so I'll review the other part of poetry... Formatting.

This is a very simple piece; the ideas in it aren't particularly complex. It's still a good piece, don't get me wrong, but formatting might be a nice way to spice it up.

First thing you can do is split the piece into stanzas. The publishing center makes that extremely difficult, but there's a simple trick to getting splits. Put <p> before each stanza, and </p> after. Do this repeatedly, on each of the stanzas. Then, after every line do </br>. This should make the coding split it into stanzas.

Another thing you can try is having some indents and white space in effect here. It goes a long way when you align some text to the right, or center certain parts. Doing so accents the line, and so when readers read it, they naturally put emphasis on it. For example, aligning the last line of this piece to the right would probably work very well. However, it's all up to you.

Overall, great piece! I look forward to seeing more from you! Keep up the great work!

Hi there! So I'll break this down, and I'll go through what I found confusing, then a few grammar improvements you could make, and then what I liked about this poem.

First off, the line "Crossing the green rice field under work." What exactly do you mean "Under work?" It's a little confusing the way you phrased it. If you meant to imply that there was work going on in the rice field, I would do something like this;
"Crossing the green rice field, seeing (or watching) the people working." Or, "Crossing the green rice field that was under (or being) worked."
Something like that. It clarifies a bit more and makes it easier to understand. The next line that I found confusing was this one;
"When I felt 'him' following me for one another morning." I would change "When" To "Then."
What do you mean by "For one another morning?" If you mean to imply that on one morning 'he' was following you, then I would put something like this;
"Then I felt 'him' following me one morning," (or on another morning.)
Next line; "Although I could only hold a fraction of his glimpse in the periphery of my vision." This sentence needs to be broken down a little and some of the words changed. Something like this;
"Although I could only catch a glimpse of him
In the periphery of my vision." (Or edge of my vision)
Last thing; I would change "He passed me a gentle smile." To something like this; "He passed me with a gentle smile." Or, "He passed me, giving me a gentle smile."

So I kind of mixed grammar and sentence/word structure together. It is a very good poem, I like the simplicity of it. Simple doesn't always mean it's bad, or doesn't have any depth to it. Sometimes the simplicity of a poem is what gives it the depth and feeling.
Sorry if this review was a little harsh, I'm looking forward to more, and Welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here.
Midnightmoon.