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Journal #1

by ashrenee0909


Like Rupi Kaur once wrote, “I flinch when you touch me, I fear it is him” makes me think of a guy I used to be best friends with. Someone who I let hold my heart. Someone who threw this, little misshaped glass heart, and shattered. Someone who left me in months of breakdowns, anger outburst, and relapses. Fights with my boyfriend, pushing people out, etc. He tore me apart. But I let him come back. I really made a mistake then. And if he were to text me right now and say he wanted to be friends again, I’m sure I would say yes. Because you can’t ever stop loving someone. Yea, the love can get smaller, it can slowly hide itself so you can love someone else. But it never goes away. It never does. And in this case, it’s making it hard to sleep, eat, think. God, I wish he never said I love you because I should’ve realized it was a lie. I should’ve just said no when he said he wanted to be friends again. How could I not see it was a lie? That it was his way of causing more pain… I guess Rupi Kaur wrote something that could easily explain how chase loves me, and how the person I’m writing about, just said it to say it. “there is a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you” It’s obvious on who is who. Because he tore my heart to pieces just by saying it…and chase…showed me what love was... Yet, why does my mind still think of him…

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User avatar
562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Sun Jan 27, 2019 4:26 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hi Shikora here with a review for you, on this lovely day.

So let's get to it shall we.

May I just say with is a really emotional work you have here. Like this like over here.

“I flinch when you touch me, I fear it is him”

This one sentence has so much power and feelings behind it. I think it's your choice of words and the way you said it.

The next line that is really filled with so much emotion is this one.

“there is a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you”

This one is sad because it's true in a strange way. Now I think there should be a comma between the two words in bold, I think there needs to be a small brake in the sentence.

I'm sure what ever you are going through, you will make it through. You will find someone who loves you for you, don't ever give up, and it's good that you shared your thoughts and feelings with others here. Some other people on YWS have gone through the same thing so your not alone.
This work of your sure had some powerful words in it, and I hope you'll find someone better then your ex, someone who will tell you the truth, and love you for who you are. Again your not alone.

Your friend
Shikora. :D

Happy review day.


User avatar
800 Reviews

Points: 32812
Reviews: 800

Mon Jan 21, 2019 5:06 am
ShadowVyper wrote a review...

Hey Ashrenee,

Shady here with a review for you this fine evening! My style tends to be to make comments as I'm reading about anything that stands out to me, then give a general summary of my thoughts at the end. Let's get started...

“I flinch when you touch me, I fear it is him”

Ouch, that is a really powerful quote, even though it's so short. It does a really good job of setting up the emotional mood that is to follow. Well done there.

Because you can’t ever stop loving someone.

You really can. It's hard but it's a conscious choice you have to make. And if he's being abusive then you absolutely should stop loving him. He's not worthy of you. <33

“there is a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you”

You should attribute this quote to whoever you got it from. It's not super clear who you're quoting here.

~ ~ ~


So even though this was so short it was still really powerful. Great job with your choice of imagery and conveying the raw emotion to us. I suspect that this is a really personal piece for you so I don't go too deep down the review rabbit hole as far as stylistic choices go, but I do want to say that I hope you have someone to talk to about all this.

If your ex was being abusive (which it sounds like he's definitely playing up the emotional manipulation) then I hope you find the strength to relegate him firmly to your past, which is exactly where he belongs. You deserve to surround yourself with people who actually love and care about you and not put up with games and backstabbing by people who are too immature to grow up.

Keep writing <3

~Shady 8)

I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.
— Pablo Neruda