Published June 15, 2013
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Canary word: Present
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I think this poem is okay. AS I was reading it a pictured a sky at sunset, a massive blue wave, and a child standing alone, looking over it all as others ran and screamed.
I did find a spelling mistake towards the beginning, and at one point the word death was changed just to rhyme. It confused me.
The rhyming I did like, though. It sounded very poetic.
Just one comment I hope you find helpful... You use a lot rhyming lines in this poem and it kinda seems as though most of the emphasis was placed on the line endings matching each other. This sorta took away from the poem and the grand message you're sending out. I think the rhymes should always be secondary to the content of the work.
Oh, and I forgot to mention one point- you might want to change the title of your work. The present one doesn't quite captures the seriousness of the poem. What you have written here can easily be termed a classic, and it deserves a more beautiful name. Just a suggestion though. You might want to give it a thought.
Thank you for your comments and suggestion! I'll see if I can come up with a nice title.
Beautiful poem! Old English? Wow! I really love the thought and work you have put behind this poem. The idea is so strong, and you have executed it so well. It is like a classic piece of poetry. I cannot pick any one favorite line or stanza- I love it whole! You are very talented. Keep writing. Cheers!
First of all I love the style in which you wrote!
The story means a lot to me since I'm from India and I've seen tsunamis happen and
How they have devastated lives of so many people.
It's kinda scary but amazing and I love the second stanza.
The way in which you wrote need I even mention,its beautiful.
No correction needed!
I love it!
I loved the way you wrote this poem in Old English. I thought no one does that anymore . This poem frightened me a bit , and in this case , is your intention . I found it thrilling and blood boiling .
I thought your rhyme scheme was spectacular and your questioning kept me on the edge . The way you described the ocean as "mighty" carried the power throughout your poem . You have described a terrifying Tsunami as if you have experienced it yourself .
Good imagery and fantastic writing
Hey ! thank you for the comment.