Published October 19, 2011
Such a comedy the day was
To me, it was the strangest thing I have seen
To my little brother, my laugh and shock was mean
I was standing in the living room when I happened to look outside
And what I saw was etched into my mind
He was small and young
I don’t blame him for wanting fun.
He was on his bike then,
Chasing my grandmother in her car when she had to leave
The boy thought it was safe
To wear a batman cape.
What I saw then made me smile
So much that made a child feel vile.
The cape wrapped around the back tire,
He choked and put his hand to his throat
While the other was still on the handle.
He kept on peddling while he cried out in pain
In the next moment, he seized his bike
And fell over to the side.
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Its spelled Shakespeare and thanks *S* Actually, I took a test that compares your writings to one or two famous authors, and I got Dan Brown and Shakespeare. If anyone wants, I can pass out the place where you can find it.
It was a factual incident and I am his family (he is my younger brother)
And thanks to the tips and comments. Like Le Morte, this was for my creative writing class. The assignment was supposed to be in the comedy genre. I hope it worked.
If this was indeed a true incident, then my condolences to the boy's family.
You've made this poem in a sort of playful, yet factual and realistic tone. However, I find that there were a few lines that seemed forced to rhyme. Especially towards the middle and then suddenly the rhyme is lost and starts becoming free verse.
I like the interesting point of view and of how you've honestly expressed how you felt during the whole affair (even though it may sound a little sadistic, but that's just me).
This poem has a good potential to become better and I'm sure that if you give another read or two and analyze where you can improve, I'm sure it'll come out great. Inspiration from real-life often brings about creativity from one's mind. My suggestion would be to divide the poem in stanzas and cut the lines in half so that there is enough fluidity and rhythm to the lines. Also, try and implement some sot of rhyme scheme or if you don't want that then make the entire poem free verse.
This is a very interesting poem and you have displayed the incident nicely. Just a little more improvement and it can be better yet. Keep the ink flowing!
*wipes tears* THIS IS TRAGIC….good poem BUT TRAGIC… im changing your name to shakepere… (idk how to spell that…) its really sad, but easy to fallow and understand..