I like your imagination, like how you say.... "Rain fell from the darkened sky as piercing drops" your story is very interesting and very descriptive I like how you explain the colours and feelings in your story it realy creates the mood and vibe of it all. well done keep the good work up

This story took my interest so I’ve decided to review it.

Rain fell from the darkened sky as piercing drops. – The weather isn’t worth this. Rain usually falls from a ‘darkened sky’, so it would be worth mentioning if it was different from this. Otherwise, if it doesn’t add to the description, then drop it. But many people chose to write about the weather in an opening to ‘set the scene’ or as symbolism, which means it’s been done to death. Stand out. Write an opening that can only belong to your story. And maybe even start closer to where the action starts.

wearing darkness that unexplainably contrasted the blackness – This doesn’t make sense. I know you say ‘unexplainably’, but that just doesn’t hold. If he’s wearing black and its night, they won’t be seen – there is no contrast. Using imagery is always better than reasoning, so look further into what you’re picturing and maybe even compromise with it, but make sure it’s possible to picture. That way it will be stronger.

The man – You’ve used this a fair bit in paragraph starters alone. Variation engages readers more, so a little tweak could go a long way.

pale complexion was brightened.... a pasty white complexion – First of all, repetition of the word ‘complexion’. Always try and avoid repletion unless it means something. Next up, you say he’s got a pale complexion, and then you simply reiterate. Maybe if you said his face was illuminated you could go on to mention his complexion, but you’ve already said it once. It doesn’t add so drop it.

And lastly, ‘brightened’ isn’t quite the right word here. I used ‘illuminated’ instead, as it means to shine light on and make visible, where as you’ve mentioned his paleness which makes ‘brightened’ mean the shade of colour (as in being an even brighter white) and less of light revealing his features. It’s a bit like how using a thesaurus can find words that sort of mean the same thing but are not entirely equal. Let me know if this doesn’t make sense. I’ll happily explain again or in more depth any point that I have made.

descended on his knees – This suggests he’s already on his knees and is descending, maybe in a lift or hobbling down some stairs. For all I know, that’s what you really meant, but if not, I think you were looking for ‘descending to his knees.

The man now stood on his knees – This has been said in the paragraph before. Reiterating sounds like a mistake.

A crooked smile adorned his lips and he allowed a chuckle to slip through. – I love the first half of the line but ‘allowed a chuckle to slip through’ seems slightly robotic. That’s just my opinion, and if it’s part of his character then in a way it’s perfect.

he paused in the sentence – something like this has a better pace when it’s a little more choppy than technical. It’s why there’s the slight cliché of ‘he paused mid-sentence’

and his pale white knuckles paled impossibly – Yeah, this doesn’t make sense. The impossibly is back, and you know how I feel about the repetition of pale. =]

finished his blog – A blog is an online diary... this sounds more like a answering phone message.

he paused in the sentence as the grey of his eyes flashed dangerously as he clenched them, breathing in sharp breaths. After a few seconds his figure relaxed and he stiffly.

A lone tear fell on the dirt encrusted cement blending in with the raindrops. The man got to his feet slowly and took a few seconds to look at the grave silently before brushing the dirt off his pants and turning – These are disjointed actions. Usually people are capable of multi-tasking, and with all these little tasks you lose the drama and form a list instead. Integrate. Have a tear drop as the man stands, staring intently one last time at the marble monument.

immediately, pink professional, simple black, daintily, almond, dazzling blue – Adding more adverbs and adverbs (known as modifiers) doesn’t add more interest. Each time you use one, you’re really saying ‘hey reader, put your focus here’, so they work well when you have a single important focus, not every other noun or verb. Instead, use specific nouns and verbs along with some imagery to help build your image. When introducing a new character, I would recommending picking one distinct feature. You can add more in time, slipping them in here and there when you can.
I’ve read the rest and it really is a great story, but if you’re going to improve this, I think I’ve given you enough to work with. I hope this helps and good luck with your writing.

Hello there Welcome to YWS!

Rain fell from the darkened sky as piercing drops. I think that you were trying to create an illusion here but this sentence is incomplete or it sounds funny...I don't know. Maybe you should try

The rain fell from the darkened sky (as piercing drops)(That's the funny bit I was talking about is. Try rephrasing it. Put a full stop after "sky" and start a new sentence.).