The Pond

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Josh

English III

6 october 2015

The Pond

One road, not a highway nat a main road, some might not even consider it to be a road, but we do. Three men alone in an old beat up dodge pickup truck. On an old gravel backroad just one car wide. Its early really early the sun has just peaked over the tips of the trees. It was a wet last night so the fog has settled very thick so thick some might say you could cut it with a knife. The moist air is chilly but not to bitter perfect for a mornin at the pond. We left home a six in the mornin the sun was just risin above the trees we have finally made it to the long dirt driveway. The driveway was dirt but the last night's rains turned it to a sloppy brown mess that consumed out feet as we walked through it. “the truck ain't gonna make it boys” pop says. We are faced with two choices give it up and turn back, or hoof it out, my younger brother and I just now 18 and 20 say to the old man “It’s up to you pop”. And he replies with an old rasp voice that is thundering yet quiet at the same time, “let’s go boys, there's no sense in headin home at this hour” So we took off on what was left of the old dirt road towards the northeast. It’s quiet and peaceful here it seems to us that the birds and the crickets are the only noise in the world. But the silence is pierced when my younger brother asked to turn on some good old music, not just any music good music, not what people think is good now but what is actually good OLD music what my father was raised listening to in minnesota. the first song that comes on is one of my father's childhood favorites Running Bear, It’s been a long time, a very long time since i last heard this song but it just makes it that much more peaceful to all of us. as the song starts an old memory pops into my mind a memory of my grandfather's house when i was but 15 years old, this was our last get together before the old man passed away it was his birthday. While my father played the 15 hundreds stradivarius my aunt played the old upright piano in the living room and my cousin playin the guitar. as the song began my father and aunt started the lyrics “ On the bank of the river stood running bear ,young indian brave, On the other side of the river stood his lovely indian made , little white dove was her name, such a lovely site to see , “ we all begin to gather into the house to sing with the family” but there tribes fought with each other so there love could never be” this is when the beat speeds up a tad bit in the song so this is when we all started in and the lyrics echoed down the old hand built walls of the house and the love filled our hearts. this is the kind of song that makes you feel and makes you really sit back and think about life I suddenly think of the last verse of the song Running Bear dove in the water, Little White Dove did the same And they swam out to each other through the swirling stream they came

As their hands touched and their lips met, the raging river pulled them down Now they'll always be together in their happy hunting ground as the emotional song comes to an end i snap back into reality We are now standing on the end of the road at the edge of the thick woods after walking numerous miles to reach where we are now. These woods are so rarely navigated there is no true path just a spiderweb of very thin unmaneuverable deer trails. My father enters the woods without compass and no map just his memory though it is old it still works, My brother and I have faith that he will get us there with ease he has every other time we have ever come here. It is significantly colder there, In the woods anyway because of the impenetrable tree cover because of this the ground lays wet everywhere is wet it is like a swamp but a majestic swamp that is very beautiful and calming to the soul of a person. It is one of the few songs by John denver that we all like, It is take me home country roads. The beginning of the song is soft and magical “ Almost heaven, west virginia, blue ridge mountain shenandoah river, Life is old there, older than the trees, younger than the mountains glowin like a breeze. My brother says to me he is starving so I spoke up to my father and said to him what will we eat pops, The old grey haired beast of a man turned his head slightly to the left to see the two of us following close behind him and says so softly his voice thunders “ we will go out, All the women at home are too damned lazy to get off there ases at ten in the mornin to make breakfast on a sunday mornin” This brings an old tale to mind that and old shawnee storyteller shared with me “ why are women so stupid” is what it is called i still remember every word so I tell it. ( When the creator made all things he first made land, then water, then the animals ,and man but his final and most crowning creation was woman, and on the first day man came to creator and he says creator why did you make woman so beautiful and creator says to man, so that you will fall in love with her, and man asks then creator why did you make woman so stupid and creator says so that she will fall in love with you ) I tell this story every time and yet it still brings joy to the faces of my father and brother. where will we go to johnny says So I offered the idea of hides and dad said it would be to cramped so we decide on the lindenwald station it is a bit of a drive from this place but it is well worth it. my dad breaks the short silent period “call your brothers” my brothers always like hangin with us on the weekends so i pull out my phone only to remember that there is no service here “I’ll just call em on the way back pops” he nods and says “alright son” after those last words exit my father's mouth I get the feeling that everything is still like nothing is moving but i can still see the wind blowing through the trees and i can still hear the rustling of our feet in the fallen leaves and smell the water of the nearby pond. We are close now so close that i can feel the cool breeze braking the edge of the trees above this pond is the only place where light can penetrate the thick woods it's calming to feel the breeze to realize we are just steps from the pond it seems like we just left the truck but in reality we have been on foot for almost every bit of an hour the pond is clean very clean it always is you would think it is kept up but it is just the huge three four and five foot grass carp that dwell near the bottom of the pond that keep the algae and the lilies from over crowding the surface this makes it easy to cast here the pond it huge so huge my best cast couldn't hit one end of the bank from the other on the shortest cross . we set up our buckets and our minnows and worms with the small back cooler my brother had he can drive well enough now so as soon as our poles are baited we crack open a beer. Johnny looks at us and speaks up, “ really ya damn drunks it's not but nine in the mornin yet and you’re already drinkin” on that regard is say back to him “ and smokin a cigar bub hahahhahahah” “Ya can never go wrong with that mix son” My brother steps back to sit down on a huge fallen ash tree in must be four foot across my dad looks over and says “that's a damn shame right there some of the best splittin wood in ohio and they're all hittin the ground” “them damn emerald ash bore” I say “Alright boys quiet down now its time to reel em in” on my father's first cast he begins to reel in and snap the line goes tight “there we go boys hahahahahaha thats how its done them good ol’ Mr. tristers hahaha” he does this to me every time never once have i seen him cast into a pond like this with a bobber and it is so often left alone the fish are many and many are large he uses his magic and brings that 12 lb sucker in without even a thought of snapping his line so I drop[ my pole in the deep area right by the bank while i set my pole my brother casts his line and not ten seconds later a bite but no snag so he reals it is but on the way his pole is nearly jerked out of his loose unaware grip and a large mouth bass is reeled in slowly with almost no fight untill it hits the bank and it thrashes furiously and he can't get the hook out off its gill so i help him cause dad is still hangin his large mouth on the chain above the fallen tree while i'm helping my brother my pole is jerked nearly into the pond so i dive that's my new sixty dollar pole I barely get a grip and fight and fight this monster of a fish good thing i came prepared i've got my forty pound test line and my cat fish pole and that's what I snagged a huge cat fish I finagle the fish from the rocks and into open water it thrashes and flips and nearly drags me in but I held on After a tiring five minute battle with this fish the line goes limp my brother hollers “God damnit the bastard got away” but I say no its just playing smart i adjust my tension and start to reel in it seams that the fish is gone untill sudenly I see its huge body emerge from the water jut 15 feet from the bank and a huge splash and the figh it on but hes to close to me now i give dad my pole and throw on some old waders i walk out about six feet and the tail comes up and nearly brings me splashing down but I grabed it and held on for dear life this fish has to way thirty ponds and i grip it with all my might and I drag it to shore I don't know what to do i can't hang it the chain i to small and i can't put it it the bucks so dad pulls out my butcheer knife and stabs the fish through the head it thrashes a bit but goes numb and limp after just a minuite or two and I drop him down in the bucket well boys I know we werent here but a half hour but we only take what we need you all know that so we pack up and i carry the fish the path we came in on is thin and hard to manuver with a load but we manage the music switches back on out of the blue with out us even touching it and an irish tune comes on called spicey mchaggis and we all knoiw it by the bag pipes in the start my brother and I begin to sing and run aroud actin very childish while my father just walks slowley behind us watching and laughing thinking back to the good ol’ days with few problems and no worries back when life was good back when life was worth diein for. 

Comments & reviews · 2
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mermaidgal
Review

Hi there! Your story was really interesting and kept me wanting to read. However, the main thing I noticed was grammar problems. From the context of your story I could tell that your character was supposed to be a southern character, which may explain leaving off gs in your sentences, such as ¨Leavin¨ instead of ¨Leaving¨, however if you just did it because that's how you would normally spell those words, it made it hard to read and sort of distracting. Also, you used a lot of repetition in your sentences.

. It was a wet last night so the fog has settled very thick so thick some might say you could cut it with a knife.

This sentence uses good description, but the use of the word thick is redundant. Once you say it for the first time, the reader does not necessarily need to have it again. Maybe using more description in your writing will better get the point across.
You're a very descriptive writer, which is awesome. Very successful authors such as Bram Stoker (who wrote Dracula) are also very descriptive. However, you tend to describe something and then state it. The readers understand and it made the story harder to get through at some parts. Overall very good story!! :)

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Winter257
Review

Hello there, gonna leave you a review.

So, my first and most important suggestion is to separate these huge chunks of writing, into paragraphs, so as to make it easier to read. I had a hard time reading through this.

Now, I'm going to point out a few errors I noticed... ("One road, not a highway nat a main road, some might not even consider it to be a road, but we do."), right off the bat, there is a spelling error. Nat, I assume, should be not. I would also like to suggest going through your story and fixing run-on sentences, as I saw quite a few. There were also several instances in which dialogue was not properly separated. For each individual character's dialogue and actions, you should separate it. This allows for easier reading, and better organization.

So, other than some typos, grammar errors, and a lack of organization, you did a good job formulating a story. I will only say that, a few sentences, regarding women, felt a little offensive to me >~> I know it's all for the story, but that may have made me a bit biased xD I was only able to skim through, so I could make a few suggestions. If you revise and/or edit this, let me know, and I'll re-review it! Keep on writing, and hope to see more of your work! :D



If you have to ask, "Is this cliche?", it probably is.
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