Chapter 1
Sweat was pouring down my face as I gripped my flamed sword tighter. I looked up through my bangs and looked around. The demons seemed to be dead. Pools of black blood surrounded their bodies and their evil faces looked relaxed and innocent. It was quiet, the way the atmosphere should be. I walked quietly, picking up my feet only slightly so I could not bring attention to myself. Once I was out of the dark, I unfolded my wings and flew off into the sky.
The human senses cannot hear or see what we angels can. God does that for a reason. If the human eye could see, or the human ear could even hear the war that goes between Heaven and Hell, their lives would be filled with fear. This war has been going on for decades. God sends his angels down to Earth to protect the humans from the Devil’s demons. This is how the term “guardian angel” has formed. I am proud to protect the human on Earth, because I know what the human life was like before my death. As time comes, you will understand what has been going on around you for so long. It may shock you at first, but the world is not a safe haven and will not be until the Devil is defeated. The only way that will ever happen is if sin is wiped away from the face of the Earth.
“Praxis, my son, did you stop the Demons?” the voice of God echoed when I landed on the ground of Heaven.
“Yes, my father.” I responded with greatness.
“Son, I need you to do one last thing for me today.”
“What is it father?”
“The Devil has send his Demons this way. They are not regular Demons, Praxis. They are powerful, hungry, and ready to defeat you and your fellow angels. They will stop at nothing but I know you can do it Praxis.”
“Where is the location. What part of Heaven are they headed to?”
“A half of mile past the gates.”
I looked towards to left and started flying towards the gates.
Heaven is a beautiful place but everyone has different thoughts on it. It’s like living on Earth but cleaner and the houses all look the same. The streets are paved with brick and the skies are always sunny. To me, it is like paradise. It is never to hot or cold. It is always sunny unless you go into the hills, then you can experience snow. The other angels are friendly and happy. Not everyone is a warrior angel like I am, you can chose to protect the Earth, watch and teach the small children, train the animals, and the list goes on.
I felt my feet hit the ground right before I got to the gates. I did not want the Demons to see or here me coming. I need to sneak up on them in order to defeat them. I slowly opened the gate making sure that it would not creak. About 100 feet away I could see three Demons. They stood tall with black trench coats. Their eyes were beady red, and their faces were scared. They were buff and they looked pissed.
I took in a deep breath and grabbed my flamed sword from my belt. I closed my eyes and let my strength build up. I felt angry and ready. I walked out into their view.
“You guys want a battle!” I yelled in a growling voice, “Well, let’s go!”
The demons plunged at me. One scratched my face with his long and sharp nails. I felt my blood flow down my cheek.
“Is that all you got!” I yelled then swung my sword at one of the Demons. I cut his left arm and watched it fall to the ground. I felt proud of myself until I looked up. The Demon’s limb grew back! I starred, stunned and confused. Demons are usually in pain at this point. I needed backup, but I did not have any. i regained my composure and stepped up. A Demon with a scar above his eye came lunging at me. I put up my sword in defense and swung. He was so quick, he missed my hit. However, he did not miss me. I found myself on the ground, bleeding and out of breath. I looked at the sky and quickly got up. I grabbed my star shoots out my belt pocket and threw five of them. One of the shots hit the Demon with blonde hair in the heart and he was in shock. I ran up to the Demon and struck my sword into its neck. Before I knew it, I was covered with his black blood.
“Now I know how to kill these things. I can do this.” I said proudly. I really felt successful, until I felt something grab me and dig its fingernails into my flesh. I screamed.
“You will not beat us,” screamed the Demon, “We will defat you!”
“Never!” I screamed. I tried to fight the Demon off, but he was too strong. The next thing I knew a black vortex formed in front of my eyes. I had no idea what was going on, but the Demon threw me into it.
I was falling, falling into the blackness with no idea where I was going.
Good Evening! I have been digging around for something to review on this fine review day and your piece of work has caught my interest! This is a great start!
I love that you've already flung me into the middle of some action! A great sure way of grabbing your readers attention in the first chapter.
“Once I was out of the dark, I unfolded my wings and flew off into the sky.” - I would like a little more imagery about his wings. Are they slick with blood? Or dripping with rain? Or are just pitch black? Or fluorescent pink?
“If the human eye could see, or the human ear could even hear the war that goes between Heaven and Hell, their lives would be filled with fear.” - This is a really original idea. I like it.
““A half of mile past the gates.” - How can they get through the gates? Or do you mean just by the side? I feel like this needs some clarity.
“You guys want a battle!” I yelled in a growling voice, “Well, let’s go!” - Isn't he going to wait for some other angels to help him?! I thought God said the demons were more powerful than him. AHH! I'm worried.
Overall – I think this is a really good start to a great story. I would just like a little more description and some more clarity about the key facts.
Good luck and I look forward to reading some more of your work soon!
HAPPY REVIEW DAY!
Olive <3
Dude, this chapter from your book is the best i have read on this website and maybe ever! The idea of using God and the devil and demons is one that i have tried but could never master. You, however, have mastered this idea and have brought it to life with Praxious (excuse my spelling). I am in love with this book so far and will be following you so i can read more. Just one comment, re check for spelling and grammar mistakes. i saw some but i think from my standpoint that is the only flaw in this writing. Cant wait for more and keep up the amazing work bro.
Thank you so much! This is my first novel so I will be sure to check my spelling and grammar for my next chapter.
Hey asevin,
I'm here to review the first chapter of yor story (( Warrior )).
I liked the name of the story, it gives an impression of greatness, power and fame.
the idea itself of angels fighting demons to protect earth is new, never seen like it before.
The only problem i really noticed is the dialouge, praxis seems to be talking to himself rather than the demons, and the dialouge feels a little childish.
also when god tells Praxis " A half of mile past the gates. ”, it seems so strange, I don't think a god would say that he would say something like this: " on the northern boundaries of my heaven ".
Anyway the plot is good and i can't wait to read the next chapters, keep up the good job.
Best egards.
Thanks. I will try harder and edit the chapter so it does not sound as childish. God was a hard character for me because I found it hard to find the right use of dialogue. Thanks for the criticism, I will take it to heart so I can become a better writer.
This is a very good piece of work. I like how fast it goes in the beginning. I can't wait to see what happens to Praxis, he seems like a tough character. I can't wait to see what kind of girl he falls in love with.
Overall keep on writing. I want to read more, but can you please keep it clean like you did here. Again I really love it, there was barely any mistakes in grammar.
I will keep it clean, I realized once I have submitted that I have used words that aren't very nice. Thanks for the criticism.