z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A Lucky Farmer

by arus


Life Of A Lucky Farmer

Fu was born in ancient China. He was born in the Song Dynasty. He was born Into a peasant family. His family name was Kaa. They were rice farmers. He hated that he had been born into a peasant family. He planted the same rice every year, twice a year, from seven years old to twenty years old. Then, something amazing happened that would have change his life.

Fu was the child of a family of rice farmers. They lived in a series of small hovels. They usually ate only rice. On special occasions,however, they would eat dumplings and noodles. He loved his mom’s dumplings. He almost always wore his working clothes. They were simple hemp pants that his mother made, and a shirt that always seemed too big. His family lived on the Chang Jiang river. When he was little, he wanted to be an inventor. He had always been interested in segmented arch bridges. He had an idea for a boat that used a wheel that would turn and act like paddles.His dad always told him stories of a man who had made a compass by putting a lodestone on a flat slab of rock. The lodestone always faced south so he used it to navigate.

Fu was working in the fields. Another drought had just hit, so he expected none of rice to survive. He found a strange patch of rice in the corner of the field. It had survived the drought. And what was more, It was mature after only two months. He took a couple hundred rice seeds and kept it a secret until he could test it.

Fu planted the seeds in a small corner of his field, and his cheeks flushed. He decided he would check them once a week instead of biweekly. They sprouted after only two weeks! It usually took five weeks! He decided Buddha had given him a gift. He was so lucky,he told himself. His eyes saw all the riches he could have, and started drooling. He would be wealthy and everybody would know his name.

He was ready to show his parents the special rice. His parents were elderly so he showed them respect. He always had, but now that they were elderly, he showed them even more respect than before. He unveiled the parcel.

“What is this?” His aging mother asked.

“It is strange rice” Fu said “I found it after a drought, fully alive. And completely grown! We must replace all our rice with it! We can have four harvests a year! That is double the amount of rice we make, wait, no, triple it because of the droughts! We will have immense wealth beyond belief! And perhaps become lords.”

“Patience, young one, only time will tell. We can, however, start using your new rice. We will start after this harvest.”, Father said, his eyes filling with a new light.“ When did you find this?” Fu said“I found it three months ago.”

“ Why did you keep this from us?”, Father asked.

“ I did not keep this from you,” Fu said, ” I was testing it to see if it was special. Three things cannot be hidden; the sun, the moon, and the truth. Therefore, I did not lie to you. I would not show it to you if it were a regular rice seed.”

They started planting immediately. It was long and hard work. In the distance he saw the watering system. His parents helped as well, but not as much help as much as they had done before. They were very old. Soon they would not be able to help on the field. He would become the sole farmer on this field.

After the month it took to change all of their rice to Fu’s special rice, he realised they needed barely a quarter of the water the old rice needed. That meant they needed only to be watered once every two weeks. The old rice needed to be watered twice a week! He could rest eight times a month!







Food & clothes

  • Food
    • Rice
    • Not enough
    • Dumplings
    • noodles
      • Homes
        • Small hovels
        • 2 rooms at most
        • wood furnishings
          • Clothes
            • hemp
            • long hair

Government:

aristocratic

bureaucratic

Imperial

Scholar officials

expanding

Houses

wood

thatch

no furnishings

2 rooms

wood benches

small

dirt


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1334 Reviews


Points: 25864
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Sun Mar 01, 2015 11:29 am
Hannah wrote a review...



Hi, there! I enjoyed this story, but there are a few suggestions I have that might make it read smoother.

First of all, I love the base idea of this story -- the fact that just by chance, in an especially hard time, a boy could find something that could save his family. It's not just money, either, but a source of food! Even if they didn't sell it, they could surely be well-fed.

I think one of the strangest things I noticed was that you seemed to have two paragraphs as introductions. Both of the first two paragraphs seemed like they were meant to be the first one of the whole piece. I think you should combine them, and include the sentence about "something amazing" happening at the very end as the transition to the main story.

There are many parts you can combine. For example, you only need one sentence saying that his family was rice farmers. You could also combine several sentences to make them sound more natural. For example, we often say "I was born in Minnesota in 1990 to my parents Someone and Something Lastname." You could do the same!

"Fu Kaa was born near the Chang Jiang river during the Song Dynasty to parents who were rice farmers."

Another thing that's useful for any type of writing is balancing how much information you tell with how much information you show. For example, saying that Fu's family was a peasant family is telling. You just tell us the information. Saying that they were rice farmers and lived in a series of small hovels, eating dumplings and noodles for only special occasions is a way of showing us that they are peasants. This showing is usually much more fun to read!

Think about it. Would you rather read "Harry was a wizard" or "Harry took out his wand and, with a few soft words, made the cat start to levitate"? Haha.

I really loved the specific details you included. For example, when the dad told the son about the invention of the compass and you included the specific parts like the lodestone, that was great. So I wondered why you didn't do the same when mentioning the watering system. I bet that's something that Fu would really be interested in, too, since he's an aspiring inventor. :)

Let me know if you have any questions about my comments! Good luck!

Hannah




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Points: 256
Reviews: 6

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Fri Feb 27, 2015 8:07 pm
Ziploc wrote a review...



Imteresting!
Only knitpicks I have is something you'll need to check over.
There are several places where you either spaced between a " and the word after it, or didn't space after putting down a punctuation.
Very minor problems, though, that can easily be resolved if you proofread.
Another thing...I didn't get the very end where you wrote a list of different things; what was that about?
Did I miss something?
Anyway, I'd really like to read more of this.
I'd like to see where he goes with all that rice! :)
Keep up the good work...thanks for sharing your writing with us!
Peace out! ^.^





u can't have villains exist just 2 b villains
— ShadowVyper