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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Wow! I usually don't review stories/novels, but saw this and I was like, "well this sounds interesting." And I was totally right about that it was insanely awesome, and there was so m h to take in! I loved it!
I have no idea how you came up with this piece, and that was what makes this so interesting. It's different, it's like nothing I have ever read, and I live that. However you came up with this idea, I'm glad you did! It's so creative and original, and sometimes that is hard to find in writing nowadays.
I love the detail! The way you describe this girl's 'nightmare' is amazing! The way you wrote out and painted a picture of this mister is so good it's terrifying! You saw something in your head that you wanted everyone else to see, and you have succeeded in that!
There is a lot of potential in this story, for what I can see there is no punctuational error, and the formatting is good! You have an amazing talent!!! Never forget it! Also, just a side note, I love how you made the character of the mother. I really enjoyed getting to know her on such a short amount of time!
Great job, I hostelry and most certainly enjoyed it!!!
Keep writing bro.
~#41
Hello!
This was a bone-chilling story. I had night-tremors (terrors?) as a small child, and they were horrible. In this, you got that "horrible" feeling spot-on. Your imagery of the dreams was fantastic, and it was all eerie and mysterious and dark, but also clear and vivid at the same time. I love the idea of the dreams coming to life (although creepy and scary, still awesome) and despite all the other stories that are focused on dreams, this is a job well done.
The beginning pulled me in nicely, and throughout the whole part I was hooked in. Despite the fact the beginning was a dream, it was nicely done (I don't particularly like dream beginnings, but I'm not sure I should say that because, after all, this is a book about dreams). But yes, anyways, the whole thing was very booking and pulled me in nicely, but still captivated my attention throughout the whole piece.
I agree with firepower below me, though. The whole time I was reading this, it did not sound like a little girl's voice. It was much much more sophisticated than that. I was trying to think of perhaps they are recalling back to the time - and Ivy is just older, just re-telling her tale? If not, I suggest going back and making it sound much more childish and innocent (well, naïve, you could say). It just sounds way to complex for a little girl to be saying.
Great job, though! It was an interesting, creepy ish read. Happy Review Day! ^_^
Thanks so much. And yes, this is actually teenage Ivy retelling her story. xD
Creeeeepy. I like it. Have a cookie
:)
The idea of nightmares being real is a tried and true formula, especially when applied to children. It also always manages to freak me out. This was no exception. I'm excited and nervous about the other parts all at once
There were a few grammar issues in there- spots where there should have been commas, a five year old using the term 'vocab', etc.
My biggest issue is that your narrator doesn't SOUND like she's five. She has some very grown-up and cynical moments, like her reflection about the sun.
A five year old doesn't think like that. Their thoughts are much more basic. But this was a great little story and I look forward to the other installments!
Thanks so much. This is actually being told by Ivy when she's fifteen-sixteen, not when she's a child, if that helps the narrator make more sense.