Published December 3, 2005
I close my eyes
all i see is your face
I notice your pain
yet you show so much grace
I think of you
and what I could do to help
but you know your stubborn
I think in vengeance
as anger follows me along the way
what I could do seems far far away
I still see your pain
but it begins to fade away
the greatness of your smile leaves me speechless
you leave me in comfort at the end of the day
but when you return its just not the same
you seem so uptight, just not ready to let loose
all I see is a cloud of gray and darkness
but as I said, towards the end of the each day
your smile leaves me speech less with nothing to say.
First a tempt in writing poetry by a friend
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140,556 Literary Works • 673,434 Reviews
For a first attempt i would say this is good, i personally think that the best pieces are raw and should not be revised, yet your choice of words is somtimes the wrong choice, yet take this as a stepping stone, you can only get better
well id have to disagree with all of you, i think its a great poem! although he needs a little practice bcuz some lines dont really fit in with the rest of the peom..
good job anyways!
As i said before this is not one of my poems and either is the "thinking of you" poem. they are both my friends that he wrote just because he wanted to try. So he asked me to put them on. Ohh yeah and he says,"Harsh i didnt think they where that bad!!!" Personally I agree but, SHHHHHH. He doesnt know that.
I'm sorry but I have to agree with 'The Black Rose'
Try better next time
Augh, no offense but if you rhyme once you should rhyme the entire poem, not cutting the rhyme off ever now and then. THAT'S WRONG!
The first 8 lines seemed outstandingly AWKWARD.... they flowed and cut off the short, where as everything else was a bit longer and a bit less choppy.
Nice try, but not something I'd pick up at a store.