Emotionally Unsheltered

Nothing groundbreaking, but that doesn't mean it's not any good!
I did like it, but I have to say that I dislike slang in poems, unless it's appropriate. It kind of falsifies it, you know?

Overall, I liked it, although you probably could go deeper. First, you need a gift: mas_wink: mas_happy: mas_cool: mas_evil: :dreidel: :menorah: :frosty: :thumb: =D> #-o =P~ :^o [-X [-o< 8-[ [-( :-k ](*,) :whistle: O:) =; :sick: {|= :-$ :-s \:D/ :-# :hearts_eyes: :love: :lots_hearts:

Now for the nitpicks:

In the second stanza, I would suggest taking out the second "emotional". It would be less repetitious and make that line sound stronger. Even the first "Emotionally Unsheltered" seemed out of place. Getting rid of it would probably sound better.

I really liked the third stanza, but you probably shouldn't use "look" two lines in a row. I would rewrite the last line "I see you as a monster".

In the fourth stanza, I think you need a "to" before "stop". You should also probably break the third line after "back". Also, like someone said, it should be "gonna" not "goona".

I agree with Dusky that the last line seems out of place. I think you could get beneath the surface a little there by adding another stanza or two talking about how you don't want to do this and that, and then end it with "No means No". It would have more effect that way.

Moved.

I liked it it ran well and it was something most prople could relate to. Though put it in the poetry section.

nitpick of the day: But that’s never goona happen "goona" should be "gonna". but that's just a typo.

I really liked this. The subject was one I could really relate to. And I think you told it fairly well. My biggest problem is that I know you have lots of emotions about this subject because you're using phrases like I don’t look at you like my best friend anymore / I look at you as a monster , but you don't do anything to try and make me feel the emotions as well.

And then the last line just seems sort of out of place. You never talk about a question or you giving him/her an answer before that last line. As good as the line sounds, it doesn't make sense with the rest of it, and as a closing line, it just makes the reader a little confused.

But as I said, I really liked this. It was a nice read.

haha, sweetie this would probably go in a poetry section, rather than a writing section, but it's all good. Welcome to the site-the poem is interesting, I didn't love it but I didn't hate it. The first stanza is okay I liked the lost puppy analogy a lot. The last stanza kind of redeems it, but the middle ones are...kind of bland. welcome to the site!