z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Good Bye

by arasool


I am at a loss for words. My mind goes blank every time I think of you. I feel heartsick. My heart physically aches from your absence. It's not fair to you. You don't even know the full story. I want you, but I can't have you. I feel numb. My mind is frozen. I cannot even begin to explain. It's the helplessness that destroys me. The loneliness pierces my soul. You left me in a black hole, an unescapable sphere. I want my freedom back-something only you can give me. Please let me go, please free my mind. Your unrequited love is causing a catastrophe. I need a good bye not goodbye. Can you give me that? Can you hear me screaming for my liberation from your wrath? Step into my black space. Touch my heart. Restrain me not. I need a good bye not goodbye.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
6 Reviews

Points: 707
Reviews: 6

Donate
Fri Oct 16, 2015 3:24 pm
kaylalala wrote a review...



Hello! This is my first review so I apologize in advance.

However, your poem is so relate able and so easy to connect with. I love that the most about it. All of the emotions that you have put into the character has really allowed me to visualize and feel what she/he is going through and I love that.

I need a good bye not goodbye.


That line makes the whole poem! It really makes the whole title make sense, and connects it will your real emotion shows. I love it and can totally can relate to that!

My heart physically aches from you absence.


I am not sure if you meant to do that, but I just wanted to bring it to your attention. I know it is easy to make typos (:

Also, if you wanted to make it more like a poem, I would show a little more form, like a poem. Maybe try to rhyme somethings. It is just a suggestion.

Overall, I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!! I would love to read more of your work.



Random avatar
arasool says...


Thank you so much! I really appreciate it as I am just beginning to make my work public! I am glad you can relate as know so many people usually can



User avatar
30 Reviews

Points: 574
Reviews: 30

Donate
Tue Oct 13, 2015 6:22 pm
micamouth wrote a review...



Wow, this is deep.

Hi, Sagi here! This will be a short review but your piece is shorter than I am used to reviewing. Is that okay? I hope so. Here we go!

This seems like a lovely, poetic rant. I love it when all those bottled up feelings are converted into poems and lyrics, even chapters and whole stories. I often feel like those feelings aren't mine - having an active and imaginative mind causes all sorts of things to go on up there. The way this is worded is beautiful and you should be proud of that.

I need a good bye not goodbye.


That. That right there is a quote I'm carrying with me from now on. I love it when an author writes something truly inspirational and sometimes just purely lovely. This is one of those quotes.

Step into my black space.


Wonderful metaphors, arasool! A very nice, simple metaphor for something that can be simple or horribly complicated.

Well, I think I'm done here. This is a lovely piece of writing, and if this is a rant about something happening to you in real life, I hope it gets better. Keep writing!



Random avatar
arasool says...


Thank you for your comments, I truly appreciate it. I am glad I have left you with something!



User avatar
64 Reviews

Points: 240
Reviews: 64

Donate
Tue Oct 13, 2015 3:11 am
Winter257 wrote a review...



Hello there! Firstly, I love your wording. It gives your (poem?) a more interesting flow. I'm not sure what you catagorize this, but I feel like it's mainly expressing the narrator's thoughts, and I really like it! The only thing I would suggest is maybe giving it more of a form. Otherwise, it's very relatable, and on an emotional level, easy to connect to. Good job, and I look forward to reading more of your work! :D



Random avatar
arasool says...


I will be posting soon! It'seems mire of free writing, glad you can relate!




A ruler leads by example, not force.
— Sun Tzu