This is a story I've been writing on. (I hope to actually finish this one) It's actually been really fun writing this, but I'm completely incapable of reviewing my own work. (I just can't find the inconsistencies that I know are there) Make sure to tell me when you're confused about anything. I was kind of confused when I tried to go through and fix the tenses. (It would be helpfull to hear feadback on any time I mix up past, future or present tense. 
) My punctuation and spelling can always use help. The italics are supposed to be comments from a time in the future when she's telling the story. Don't be afraid to rip this to shreds. It's why I am posting it here. I can't get better if I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
A child’s fear
I am the monster under this child’s bed. I’m his terror made into a reality. His fear creates me, even when it’s is hidden. Without him I don’t exist. I am the imaginary friend he wishes he didn’t have. Or I was . . . I’m not so sure now. How am I still around when he no longer shrinks in terror at the sight of me? He is now too old for me. He is halfway grown, so why am I still here?
“Timmy, go to bed.” His mom was annoyed now. It wouldn’t be long before he would have to turn off the lights. It wouldn’t be long before he entered my world.
“Just a minute mommy.”
Form his words, you couldn’t really tell that he was a quiet child who never spoke much; A quiet one with many secrets; secrets that even I didn’t know at the time. You would think from this tidbit that this was just another monster story where the little child would soon be scared out ten years growth.
I could taste the fear in the air, and hear it in his voice. For now I lurked in the shadows under his bed, but soon darkness would encase the room. Soon I wouldn’t be confined to the shadowy alcove.
He knew that I could only thrive in the dark, but he didn’t know why. I dreaded the day he grew up; the day he didn’t let his imagination go wild, fearing what could slither in every shadowy crack and cranny. When he started imagining burglars and thieves instead of monsters, dwarfs, and dragons, it would be the end of me. I would fade from his life and reshape myself in another little boy or girl’s mind. When that happens, I won’t be myself anymore. I will be remodeled to fit the new child’s worst fears.
His mother was at the door with her lips pulled into a grim line.
“You’re seven. You shouldn’t be afraid of the dark. Get to bed.”
She didn’t understand of course. Even I knew those things, and I’m just a little girl who’s a figment of a child’s imagination. She should have known more than something that ‘doesn’t exist’. Then again, I had more experience with that sort of thing. It was perfectly normal for a child to be afraid of what lurks in the dark. Timmy would continue being terrified of me until he ceased to believe that I existed. At about that time, he would discard the Easter bunny and Santa as well. Along with them, in the trash would go ghosts, goblins, and the whole rest of the world of fantasy. For then, I was still the terror of his dreams and waking moments.
“Good night”, she tucked him in.
It wouldn’t be a good night if I could help it.
“Good night”, he replied.
I almost wonder if he was thinking the same thing as me. In the back of his mind I’m sure he didn’t think it was going to be a good night, but he was at the same time wishing that she would have wonderful dreams.
This was a strange child for sure. He should have been worried about his own sleep not hers. At that moment, I should have known that I wasn’t going to be a normal run of the mill childhood terror for that boy. You couldn’t really blame me though. I had only been there a few months. I didn’t know anything about him. I didn’t know what an incredible boy he was or what he had been through.
I knew his deepest darkest fears, yes. I understood that more than anything he was terrified of losing his mother or anyone else he loved. I didn’t understand what had created that fear in him.
At the time I was hounded with hints. I should have been able to deduce something from the fact that he didn’t have any imagination records. He didn’t have any documentation of imaginary friends, make believe worlds, or former monsters hiding under his bed. He was thinking like a grownup before. Why did he suddenly pop into my world? Why was this rather old boy a newcomer to fantasy?
I wish so much that I had been given instructions on how to deal with that child. Maybe I could help him better now. I don’t like children, or I’m not supposed to. I am a girl, but I’m also a monster, I’m not supposed to have a feminine side. Why does he change everything about me? Why does he confuse me so much? Though all of those questions are huge, there’s on I had that was even bigger. How does the monster under the bed help the child that’s spent the last few years of his life living with a real life monster?
The light turned off. His whole room was now free reign. How should I terrify him now?
End of chapter
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Okay, just a few short things to say... this was a good start for a story. I love how you ended with the "how should i terrify him", as it makes you want to read more.
keep up the good work, and I'll go reveiw more!
CassidyRose
Hello, Aqua! I'm Cosmic, or Val. Whichever you want to type. I hope I do your story well.
I'm sure there should be some type of puncuation at the end of this. Maybe, if you want this statement to lead into the italicized portion under it, you should put a colon. If not a simple period or even an ellipse will do fine.The bolded word should be "From".
The comma should be inside the quotations, not outside. Or perhaps you should just discard the comma for a period and capatalize "she".
Comma inside the quotations.
Oh, I really liked this! The whole thing about the child creating the monster and I really want to know why the boy has made the monster in a female form. This really gives a whole new perspective on the monster under the bed, a new look on things. I see you have a part two to this so I should really be off. Bye!
Cosmic
An odd concept for a story, but a good one. Something interesting that hasn't been done before.
I like how you used italics to separate the monster (?) and the child, their actions, their thoughts and movements. It was a nice touch.
I cannot wait to read more.
I really liked this story you have made. It was mysterious, no doubt, and also very foreshadowing. I like the two different monsters, both with different text, and the fact that one is real leaves me craving to find out more. Keep on writing! You are extreamly talented!
-Ruth
Thanks everyone. I have written the next part, but I need to brush it up a bit before I post it here. It's all on paper. I just have to type it out and revise it.
Wow, what a read.
Please keep writing more.
I liked the mosnter POV, and I definitely want to know what she looks like, what she is. Actually I'm much more interested in the monster than in Timmy, even though I want to know what makes Timmy special, too.
On the italics, I don't know, I think it worked.
But yes, clean it up and get it polished.
Other than that, please keep writing more of this!!!
I don't think I've ever read the story from the monster's point of view except for Monsters Inc that is. But this one really brought me in to what it really was and how she felt about her job with the child. I liked how you narrated the monster and then brought us into the story. Good thinking; very creative.
Although, you did have more than a couple typos and grammar problems- TheWalkinDude seemed to fix most of those for you- you need to watch your stuff before you post. Go over it and get it all cleaned up. Other than that it was perfect and I would love to read the next chapter. Keep writing-
Aly-son
This was definately a new idea, and I really like the perspective. If there's just one thing I'd say to lighten up on the italics, because it's sort of a pain to read big blocks of it. Also, I would've liked if there was a little more speaking on the boys' part, so instead of just being told about his personality we'd also see it more. All the same, this was really good, and if you write another chapter feel free to message me and I'll review.
Keep writing,
StorYWeaver
Very, very creative idea. I like what you're bringing to the table, yes yes, my friend. A story about a monster under the bed being told by the monster living under the bed. Very nice. I must say, if you keep working on this idea, I will indeed want to keep reading. Anyways, onto my critiques:
First, on your italicized parts: I will admit I'm a fan of stories where the narrator is reminiscing about the past and is telling it in much the same fashion as you are doing here, but if you are going to do it that way, you should integrate everything so then it seems to flow more. Having the individual paragraphs italicized just to indicate that it's the narrator speaking when the whole story is told from the narrator's point of view seems a little redundant. Also, if you decide to keep writing like this, keep in mind that it's supposed to be past tense pretty much the whole time.
Actually, I think those are my only problems with this. Other than that, this is spot on, golden. I hope you continue with this and do well with it, and I would love to keep on reading it if you keep on serving it onto the table.