plastic everyone
u rarely find those made out of the soft fuzzy fabric that's warm enough like when u pull it out fresh out of the dryers
so warm makes your hands sweat but the rest of ur body crave to use the pile of fabric as a blanket on the cold night surrounded by the things that comfort u
shes your comfort blanket and like with everyone that has one u feel safe and everything just feels right with the colors that wrap you while all bad things are cleansed from your body each time u breathe in a sniff of fabric softener
the plastic is cold and hard sometimes makes u feel empty and sadden from its toxic chemicals ,sick even
like all things plastic it never goes away cause u feel u need it in ur everyday life and its hard to get rid of after all it is everywhere at first it seems like having plastic things makes life easier until they hurt u or someone else, they r pollution after all
I have my fabric warm friend and a billion of plastic fragments that i cant throw away cause they will always find something i need them for and use it against me
until i can see her
everyone is plastic
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hello there,
From what I've noticed, this is leaning more towards an essay than poetry. I find little imagery in here.
Moreover, people choose to remove punctuations in their poems for stylistic choices, but punctuations are really vital in poetry. They bolster the message, tone, and emphasis to a certain part. For example, it's confusing when you wrote "plastic everyone." Are you introducing the plastic to everyone? (Plastic, everyone). It was a bit difficult to read and understand your poem because the absence of the punctuation licensed me to glide into your poem without pauses.
Also, the consistency of your pronouns. There were parts where you put u, or ur, but then you'd jump into using you or your. This is important because, sometimes, in poetry, using different spellings can mean that they are different things or people (alter ego, another person, etc.).
Third, did you know that most fabrics today are made of plastic? I researched it. You're actually comparing the same thing. I think you could at least name one pure fabric (with no plastic) such as silk or wool .
That's all I can say for now. Overall, you have a wonderful message. It's very relatable especially since I'm still in high school. I've met a lot of plastics who I valued more than my pure fabrics because I wanted to impress them more. As time passes by, I realized that it's futile to affiliate yourselves with people who don't really care for you. Thank you for that and keep on writing!
i like how you compared a relationship with plastic. it's creative and thought-provoking. and I don't think I have read such comparisons before! i think, this piece could use a revision but it is very good anyway.
this particular part is my favorite:
"like all things plastic it never goes away cause u feel u need it in ur everyday life and its hard to get rid of after all it is everywhere at first it seems like having plastic things makes life easier until they hurt u or someone else, they r pollution after all"
it's interesting how you chose to use the non-biodegradable nature of plastic here. good work overall
Hello! I have come to review your first poem on YWS! Welcome to YWS and I hope you enjoy it here!
I think in my opinion, this poem has a good start but could use some improving. This poem has some good concepts such as comparing genuine and true friendship to a warm blanket that surrounds you at night to a fake and toxic friendship as toxic plastic, something that isn't comforting but rather hurtful and poisonous to your health. While you did a good job of describing these for a start in terms of vocabulary, I feel like you repeat yourself a lot, now repetition can be a force for good as it can reestablish and hammer in a certain message your conveying, but I feel like here it's repeated for perhaps maybe not finding more material to work with? Rather I mean giving more examples or looking deep into your experience to feel and describe these emotions. The poem feels like a first draft, something messy but yet the start of something potentially great, I would recommend looking up writing tips on developing ideas more and exploring your topic and learning how to write more perspectives and aspects of it instead of repeating it.
The next thing I would like to mention is the fact that the poem is hard to read and reads more like a diary entry then a poem persay? While narrative poems are a thing and it's possible you could have based your poem on that type of poem, it seems more like you don't have an understanding of how to write poems. The poem seems like, again, the first draft as its hard to read, messy, and seems like just a stream of conciseness typed onto a document program. Once again I would recommend reevaluating your writing and revise and rewrite your poem as the draft has good concepts and a good start. Write down themes you want to cover, use a dictionary to describe how you feel, and collect your feelings together and organize them in the writing. One final thing I want to mention is spelling, spelling "Are" as "R" and "You" as "u" makes the poem look not well made? I would recommend working on spelling especially when covering a serious topic like friendships to make it seem more well made and better looking along with grammar as some words are right next commas or are run on phrases and lines.
I think overall once again the poem draft is a good start but could use much improvement! I know this your first poem on here so I hope I wasn't too harsh or too mean as I see the potential in you and I want you to improve! I hope you keep writing and if you need any tips, DM me!