Published January 17, 2011
/
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,235 Literary Works • 672,519 Reviews
This was a very cute and cheerful story. I especially liked the ending, when everyone in the school ends up nice
There were a few tense errors throughout the story. You switch between present tense and past tense. You need to commit to a single tense. So this:
Should be changed to: said Nathan in his flawless voice.
There were a few other syntactical errors, mostly related to punctuation.
And, when there is a new person beginning to talk (like in quotes) you have to start a new paragraph.
The overall premise of this story is so unbelievable that it takes away from the story itself, but overall it was very refreshing and fun to read.
I really don't know what to think about this story. haha It made me laugh thats for sure. I noticed that you described Nathan but you never described the person telling the story or Hannah. I don't even know if the person is male or female. Oh and the magic chalk was where you lost me. Who would believe in a magic chalk? I know the rock was kind of magic but Nathan didn't know about that, obviously. I'm pretty sure if someone didnt have the proof they would simply just think they were having an off day. This was just a short story right? There's no more to it? because I think it ended kind of sudden. What happened to the rock? They found this wishing rock and all they do is bully a bully and then what? They just throw it in the bottom of there sock drawer and never think of it again? I think something needs to be done with rock before you finish off the story.