The Chime

Hi Social! Welcome to YWS~

I'm GeeLyria, and I will be reviewing your piece today. There is nothing I find lovelier than a poem in which the narrator makes up or changes its mind about something; as a reader, I find it very interesting... accompanying them throughout the piece and into the realization of something.

In your piece, I noticed how the atmosphere changed, as the narrator woke up from its hopelessness... Which I love, actually. However, I didn't see an actual process; the change was abrupt and unexpected and I believe that can interrupt your reader until they realize it. For this reason, I feel there is a hole in your piece, despite its potential.

In other words, I am suggesting you show your readers what lead your narrator to change its mind as you either explain whatever happened or you explain its track of thought. I think it would be very useful and it could also give more time for the reader to sympathize with the piece. That's just a suggestion though. Good job and keep writing! ^^

P.S. I absolutely love this line:

Waiting and waiting for my future to materialize.

Hi! Are you new? Great! I'm new too! So, don't expect much from this so-called review, I' just learning the ropes I guess.

I like the idea, it speaks of a wistfulness, a regret of not cherishing the moment. Any poem with a theme like that is an instant favorite of mine. However, since I'm supposed to review, critique or in simple terms nitpick so I shall point out a few things that you can improve as well.

First off is the flow. Now I understand "flow" is a highly vague term, but that is the only way I can describe it. For me a poem is as good as the way it flows off the tongue, the words should slide, not be forced out of your mouth. So, in that regard, it might be better if you rearrange the fifth line a bit, make it slightly shorter? Remove the 'My'? In any case, I suck at this reviewing thing so I'm gonna try my luck elsewhere. Hopefully I didn't bother you too much.

With that I bid you good day! Keep writing

Hi,
Your poem has meaning. A normal feeling that we always feel. I love the meaning along with the language you used.

Anyway, I think there was a mistake that I could figure out:

Counting down the minutes and seconds on the clock,

Welcome welcome welcome to Young Writers Society. And may the reviewers be ever so kind and helpful to you. Yeah, I was just watching Hunger Games.

That was deep. I am going to have to spend some time analyzing this. Obviously there is much about this brief poem that spells out a sense of impatience, if not desperation. It is difficult having to wait for things to occur and sometimes I think we all find ourselves sitting and hoping everything we hope to happen happen. And the line about memories? That almost sent a sense of nostalgia slithering up my arms. Plus, I agree sometimes we immerse ourselves with preoccupations like work and school that we forget to relax and try to enjoy life as it occurs.

Now, I think I literally translated your poem. Sorry about that.

In terms of criticism, I like how you illustrated this, but I would like to see more imagery like in the fifth line. Don't just tell us; show us.

Anyway, a good fresh start for a new member. Ciao!!