First, I didn't really understand what was going on, your similies and metaphors are awkwardly thrown together and don't really mean much to me. The first couple of stanzas are quite good, but I think the flow of this poem is a bit off, and that could be improved on.
Keep writing! 
You're probably right about writing at midnight plus is not a good idea
I think you should try and rewrite this poem on the ideas you come up with related to it... during the day
Its nice though! the first 2 stanzas are great!
Hi guys! Thanks for looking over my poem.
lol I'm well-aware of it's utter...idiocy? Reading over it this morning I'm saying to myself, 'What is this?'
So sorry guys, for those of you who read this and felt their IQ dropping. 
But, I guess I'll try to decipher what was going on in my head, if possible.
There is a lonely girl
Who lives each day as if
It were so vital
In this sugar-spun life.
The pages of which
She writes her thoughts
Are smeared with
White chocolate kisses.
She often forgets
That her pillow is
The only thing
Connecting her to this world.
This causes her to
Believe that there really is
No other way
To avoid the fruit.
So she tries that
Bittersweet taste of pure
Artificial emotion
And burns an X in her skin.
The deeper wound
Is found inside her shoes
In the soles of her feet
Where the thorns are kept.
Champagne flows from
Her eyes as they
Burn a brilliant
Shade of purple.
The ice upon which
She stands splits
And she consumes
The boiling polish.
When her transformation
Is complete
She is carried to
The bright red swing.
She thinks about things
Like slick plastic cards
And
Possibly fatal car crashes.
While looking through a
One-way mirror
She comes face-to-face
With a green horror.
It eats away at
Her cobwebbed soul
And frightens away those
That only want to remove the mask.
If she had only tried
To clean her thoughts
She could have escaped
The looming tissue box.
If she could only
Learn to just replace
The books upon her shelf
With pink daffodils.
1) The descriptions in your poem are good!
2) The words used in your poem are good!
3) The theme for the poem I didn't really get...
Can you PM me and explain to me the theme of the poem please?
I have to say, I second Squall's words. I love the simmilies, and couldn't bring myself to really be nit-picky on the first readings because of the wonderful ring this poem has. But there are some issues. I'll try not to be too harsh, sorry if I sound that way, but I really did like it!
Crit one: I didn't get the point. Maybe you were right about the early morning poetry thing. I've done it, and they didn't make much sense either.
Crit two: the first two stanzas were lucid and, well, poetic. Mad perfect sense to me. Then I got to the last line of the second stanza. There, the flow broke. I couldn't decipher the meaning of 'with chocolate kisses'. It just doesn't seem to fit there. elaborate at that point why she has 'em. Explain it. Then I think it would be less of a distraction from the poem's flow.
Crit three: third stanza to me=very random. I didn't get it. Why is her pillow the only thing that connects her 'to this world'? I just really didn't understand it.
Crit four: It seems like, in the fourth stanza, you're building up to a major point you're going to make. Then the one you express doesn't make a bit of sense to me. What is the 'fruit'?
Crit five: The fifth stanza was so intense. This one is really lucid. I loved this one...
Crit six: Okay, this makes sense, the champagne is a similie for tears, no? But then the purple eyes...I don't get it.
Crit seven: This stanza was indecipherable. Very poetic if that's what you were aiming for, but I just didn't get it.
Crit eight: What transformation did she make?
Crit nine: Okay. The car crashes seems morbid, but I don't understand the inclusion of 'slick plastic cards'...
Crit ten: the last few stanzas...I kind of got it. But elaborate, make it clear where she is. Is she in the afterlife? Where? Is she in essentially, Hell? Is she having a flash-forwards to what will happen to her if she doesn't recover from the sort of things she's been doing?
I loved the 'pink daffodils' in the last line. Wow. What a haunting poem. I like it, but it needs to be more lucid to reach its potential.
Cheers!
--Voxina
Hey anti-pop.
What is the purpose of this poem? What theme are you trying to convey here? What is your target audience? Right now, what you have here is a jumbled mess.
Your use of stanza is poor. From what I've read, it seems to portray different aspects of the narrative's experience rather than different aspects of a theme or idea. As a result, your poem fails to work together to bring home the theme/idea that it's trying to portray. While I'm at it, what's the point of having a quatrain (four lined stanza) in each stanza? Really, there's no reason for it.
Because of the above, this in turn also detracted from the meaning of your figurative language. Your metaphors, symbolism and imagery practically have nothing to lean on. It's so haphazardly thrown together that you will be lucky if anyone actually understands as to what you mean.
I seriously have no suggestions for this piece other than to certify it and try something else. It's far beyond help.
Good luck.
Andy.
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