Greg sighed as he awoke to his morning alarm. The right side of his bed was empty and the blankets were tucked neatly into that side of the mattress. The left, his side, was thrown off of his body in a messy bundle that he would have his cleaning lady fix before she left in the afternoon. His morning coffee sat steaming out of a small white mug that had his children's hand prints around the bottom. He signed once again and ran his fingers through his hair. His wife left him and took his twins with her about a month ago. She told him that it was because he didn't spend enough time with them but he knew better. It wasn't because he was at work all day but rather because she simply didn't love him anymore. He wouldn't be surprised if she cheated on him with the mail man. It sounds cliche but she always spoke of how sweet he was to her and the boys. He shook his head and released the thought from his mind and decided he needed to get to work.
Greg's suit was pressed and hung in his closet, ready for wear. He didn't bother to take a shower or do anything to his hair except for slick it back with some hair gel. He had just recently gotten a hundred dollar hair cut at the salon by his house. When he walked though his office, after a 30 minute car ride to work in his sleek, red convertible, he didn't smile at any of his employees. He didn't have time for small talk and shaking hands. He had other people to bark his orders for him and he liked it that way. After passing his secretary, the only person he would at least nod to, he shut his office door behind him. He stayed in there for the most part of the day, locked in the glass room in the center of his office. He could see all around him and yet the glass allowed no one to see him. His secretary rerouted his calls all day as he sat, watching his underpaid employees do all the work he should have been doing and chuckling at not so funny videos on the internet. He knew, in his head, that no matter what he did he could never get in trouble for it. He owned the firm after his father passed away and no matter what he did, he'd always be the man in the pressed suit. The hard ass and the forever alone guy who cared more about his job then his family.
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139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was a fun little story...its interesting to read for sure. I definitely had fun reading it...and even though there wasn't too much of plot there...it definitely did a fairly good job conveying the sort of situation this dude is in.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay....well....that was quite an intense way to start that story off...oh dear....well...definitely some terrible situations to be in for this poor dude and oh well.. he is taking it really well without getting angry or trying to do anything silly there...that's pretty good to see...well...not quite sure how I'm connecting this to Monday as a day but ehh...as a story this is going along relatively well so far.
Well...more twists incoming I see. Oh well...at least he does have his whole job thing going for him. Well...looks like he's just that kind of person who might as well go and marry his job and well...on the bright he didn't do anything horrible...he's just not great at being a family person which is...ehh..well something I guess..anyway...well...not a terrible ending here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was an interesting story here...I'm not quite sure how it connects to the title really, but its an interesting almost character sketch that you've got here and yeah...it was fun. At any rate, that's all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
So Greg is Monday in the flesh? He's a great representation of it. He seems angry at the world and too cocky too admit that he is missing his wife and kids. I totally did not expect his wife to leave but I also did not expect him to own the corporation. Good job. Does he really care more about his job than his family? Because I got the opposite feeling while reading that...
With his Monday being like this, I am curious about how the rest of his week turned out. Whether he was able to wise up enough to at least be able to see his kids again, or if he just spiraled even more out of control. If I was in this situation, I would have changed everything I was doing once the kids were taken away.
Cause you're gonna be a good dad
Wow! A personification of Monday. To start off, I should say that that is a really novel topic, one I would never have come up with myself! So for coming up with the idea itself, you get points!
The first few lines, describing Greg's morning routine, are very well written, nuanced and vivid at the same time, quite realistic.
I like that you never state the man's personality or characteristics outright, as so many authors are often wont to do. You describe him through his actions, letting the audience draw their own conclusions about his nature. Very subtle, and a job well done! Showing is always better than telling, as far as characterization is concerned.
The fact that he intends to make his cleaning lady fix his bed instead of doing it himself, the fact that he doesn't bother to wish his employees, all portray him as a snobbish man who looks down on those below him in status, and is inconsiderate to their needs. This serves to mitigate somewhat the sympathy we feel for him, for the break-up of his family, and makes us wonder if he was not in some way responsible for it himself. You have captured, here, the essence of an unreliable narrator. Due to his questionable personality, revealed through his actions, his words cannot be taken at face value.
But while not too benevolent a character, he isn't completely irredeemable either. Him noticing his children's fingerprints on his coffee-mug, his acute feeling of loneliness as he sits in his office, all reveal a vulnerability to his character that endear him to the readers. To communicate all this without stating any of it out loud in so many words, is an incredible feat indeed!
There are a few minor details which I feel could make this piece even more fun to read!
I think you meant to say 'he sighed once again', here.
I've noticed throughout the piece that some of the sentences run for quite a long time without any punctuations or commas. While that's not technically wrong, it would be a lot easier to read if you were to break them up with commas. Otherwise, it reads as though you were writing this in an incredible hurry! For example, The sentence is still technically correct without the comma, but it just sounds better if you break it up after you've finished stating one idea, before starting on the next.
Overall, this was very well written, and a pleasure to read! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
Monday in a nutshell
Hey,
Okay, so I really like this. But, wow, it is sad. His wife leaving him and taking the kids. His life sounds so lonely. I have to say this had great description without going over board. I could really feel his deep sense of loneliness.
This was amazing, keep up the good work.
Nikki399