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12+ Violence

Fatal-Fire [short story]

by anonymousFolders


A loud shriek came from the bedroom window. Everyone was arriving at the Manor where a formal house party is being hosted by Dr.Nikolai, A man of great standing.

The guests had separated, some people went to explore the Manor, and some stayed in the garden. no one expected the night to go like this.

Dr.Nikolai was a bit of a peculiar person, but they were still Evelyn’s closest friend, right? how could she not trust them? I mean specifically ordering that no phones shall be brought to the manor isn't weird at all! Maybe they just didn't like the idea of being in a picture! or having their belongings filmed... Evelyn is sitting in the living room lost in her thoughts wondering why? her deep brown 3c hair and warm natural sepia skintone with beautifully unique features making her gorgously eyecatching in everyway possible.

Then there’s Aruna who although doesn’t quite like Dr.Nikolai very much,She would never pass up an opportunity to go to a party even if it’s in the middle of nowhere. her coy fox-like personality complementing her blonde looks and giving her the defenition of stunning.

Atlas is looking for his sister and is worried sick about what might have happened, he can make out Aruna sobbing from inside the bedroom as he's getting closer. opening the door he can see Aruna paralyzed from the shock of what she just witnessed. A limp body sitting Infront a vanity.the face of dr.Nikolai reflecting ot the mirror. pale with a very frail body, blood dripping from their neck into a fancy suite and tie

Dr.Nikolai has been found dead in their bedroom the most reasonable explanation being that they’ve killed themself. or atleast thats what the housewrokers announced. Do they know something we dont?

The other guests have come up to investigate the scene, there seeming to be quite the commotion, everyone mumbeling and murmuring to each their own.

The servants of the manor have already started contacting the police and an ambulance, but since the manor is out in the wilderness, they will arrive after about 1-2 hours.

people wondered around the house almost as if waiting for something to happen, for someone to speak “I killed them” or “I did it”.

Atlas is trying to comfort Aruna in the living room, while Evelyn attempts to make conversation with the people at the balcony. Then abruptly everyone is called to the ballroom.

The lights are dimmed and there is a soft tune playing in the background, the crowd of guests having no idea what's going on. Atlas,Aruna , and Evelyn nowhere to be seen.

the music stopped abruptly as the doors swung shut as panic ensued. it started with an awful burnt smell, soonafter a cloud of smoke accumlated in the room coughing and screaming became apparent and the warmth makeing people feel light headed.

the doors were stuck shut, the handles too hot to touch. as the glow of heat lit up the room fire started blasting in. the workers were all in there preparing a feast of their masters wishes. from the kitchen came a smell cutting through the smoke and fueled by the pyre making it worse. the smell itself can only be described as death, the smell of a rotten burning corpse.

as ashes fell little was left of the mansion. an eight legged crawler climbed up atlas's arm having simpathy for the little bug he kept him in a jar with holes on the top as they headed home.

as atlas walks into his office and sits in his squeking chair two female figures follow him.

3:00 AM

Atlas: "so great work today both of you"

Evelyn:"yeah but honestly if was f'd up the fact that the workers actually tried to complete their masters "wishes""

Aruna:"I'm just glad I finally got to do something in a mission"

Atlas:"you really didnt need to stab them so early"

Aruna:" well atleast it was well deserved! hes a creep!"

Evelyn:" whatever you two Im going to head to bed"

Aruna:" yeah same its so late what about you atty?"

Atlas:"I have some paperwork, anyways goodnight to you both."

Aruna:"goodnight"

Evelyn:" buh byee"

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3:15 AM

???:"oh you guys are finally back"

Atlas:"yeah micheal, why arent you in bed?"

Micheal:"well I just couldnt sleep, what about you?"

Atlas:"paperwork"

Micheal:"really? c'mon"

Atlas:"I'll be done soon dont wait for me"

Micheal stood in the doorway waiting patiently. his tall buff figure taking up most of the space in a stubborn manner.

Atlas:"finee."

The End (for now idk)


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1402 Reviews

Points: 109
Reviews: 1402

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Sat Nov 30, 2024 4:40 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the ghoulish S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Dr. Nikolai invites people over to the mansion for a party, which quickly escalates as somebody has killed Dr. Nikolai! But who? And why? Also, why did Dr. Nikolai have those rules at their house? And why would somebody want to kill them? Hmm…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I’d like to see more of what happened to Dr. Nikolai, but if you’re planning to do more or if you don’t intend on continuing this, then this is fine.

Chocolate Bar - I liked Evelyn’s thoughts, it shows that she seems to question what’s going on at the manor, like she knows that something isn’t right, but can’t pinpoint what. I also like the conversations that they all have in the end, it adds in a sense of mystery.

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a short, mysterious story on how people are not very trustworthy and how there can be a sense of darkness that is lingering in the air, waiting to snatch anyone away…the question is, what was Dr. Nikolai hiding all this time to make people want to kill them? What was their past like?

I wish you a marvelous day/night! ^v^




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29 Reviews

Points: 147
Reviews: 29

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Fri Nov 22, 2024 8:23 pm
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TheTaostedWriter wrote a review...



Alrighty, Heyy there!

So, this piece is good, I won't lie. It's really decent. It was a little blunt, I mean, it had a good hook, it really did, but it didn't really "catch" me, ya know? I feel like when there is more to it, I'll really enjoy it, and I can't wait to see what you come up with! The only mistakes I caught were a few missing spaces, that was it. So, good job! You did amazing!
It was something new for me to experience, and it was out of my comfort zone, which is probably why it didn't catch me, but you did a great job. I love how the characters were depicted, that did intrigue me. I do want to learn more about these characters!

Please, keep writing! After all, we all start off as crumbs! <333
~Taost





It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
— Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian