untitled...

by anonymous456

Published January 8, 2011

So, I've decided to start up a young writer's society blog/page... however this thing works.

I'm not usually into writing, but am going to try it out. See how I am at it.

So I wrote this in about 20 minutes, very very rough. Thought I would post it and see how anyone thinks?

Criticize it to the max, please and thank you!

PROLOGUE

Corey Tanner’s life consisted of teenage romance, stately drunken parties, and of course the stress cloud hovering us all on her last year of high school. I know usually these stories come with the whole background of the sexual abusive father or the drug dealer brother, even the porn star sister; not this story. Corey had a perfect life, perfect as it could be. Her parents lived in a beautiful Victorian styled home accented with crown moldings, very wealthy family; definitely not depending on anyone financially. She had a great group of friends (for now) who she could rely on for anything and the most amazing boyfriend anyone could ask for, Zach. Everything was perfect up until the day she accepted a babysitting job from her hairdresser, April.

CHAPTER 1

Have you ever realized how the clouds whisk their way through a warm, breezy, summer’s day?

That's all I've got so far. Maybe jumping right into a novel isn't the best way to go about just starting to write, but it's what feels right.

I've always wanted to right just about my life, so this story is pretty much going to be it, on a more exaggerated way, of course.

so yeah, tell me what you think! :)

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review Review · Sep 25, 2021

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Corey Tanner’s life consisted of teenage romance, stately drunken parties, and of course the stress cloud hovering us all on her last year of high school. I know usually these stories come with the whole background of the father or the drug dealer brother, even the sister; not this story. Corey had a perfect life, perfect as it could be. Her parents lived in a beautiful Victorian styled home accented with crown moldings, very wealthy family; definitely not depending on anyone financially. She had a great group of friends (for now) who she could rely on for anything and the most amazing boyfriend anyone could ask for, Zach. Everything was perfect up until the day she accepted a babysitting job from her hairdresser, April.


Soo..as far as prologues tend to go, this isn't one...this is much more like some kind of general plot summary or rather with the kind of tone that you've got going on here, this comes across very much like a blurb, and honestly, it makes for a pretty good blurb at that, there's enough in here to really draw you in by showing how this is not sticking to the typical cliche story....and how you want to alter things. Then when you deliver that sort of punchline by mentioning the act that gets the whole story, it really makes you want to read more...so this is not a prologue, but as something like a blurb, this would do great.

Have you ever realized how the clouds whisk their way through a warm, breezy, summer’s day?


Hmm...well as far as the start to a first chapter goes there, I can't really say much. The fact that its a single line kind of makes it impossible to judge how that's going to go. If I really had to say something, I'd say its a line that makes you think a little, cause that isn't the sort of question that you run into every day.

Anyway, overall, that little blurb part there sounds promising, it seems like a story that could certainly yield something, and also on that author's note there, there are people who plan out every single thing in a story in ridiculous detail, and I'll confess to being one of those people, but there are also plenty of folks who don't know how a story will end when they start, its all about figuring out what you want to do as you go along and most importantly loving what you do. Then it'll come to you. That's my two cents on that anyway. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

User avatar
Yuriiko
Review
Yuriiko wrote a review Review · Jan 8, 2011

So, I've decided to start up a young writer's society blog/page... however this thing works.


Just a clarification.

Are you writing this for a blog? If so, you can see "Blog" menu below the header, and you can click "My Blog" in the drop-down menu. Or you can simply see it in this link: blog/

PM me for any questions. 8)

~yuri

User avatar
Kafkaescence
Review
Kafkaescence wrote a review Review · Jan 8, 2011

Actually, this isn't bad for your first time. I can tell you that joining YWS was probably the best step you'll ever take in that direction.

I'll cut right to the chase.

Corey Tanner’s life consisted of teenage romance, stately drunken parties, and of course the stress cloud hovering us all on her last year of high school.


"...and, of course, the stress cloud hovering above...."

I know usually these stories come with the whole background of the sexual abusive father or the drug dealer brother, even the porn star sister; not this story.


"I know that these stories usually...sister, but not this story."

Her parents lived in a beautiful Victorian styled home accented with crown moldings, very wealthy family; definitely not depending on anyone financially.


"...crown moldings. She lived in a very wealthy family."

Have you ever realized how the clouds whisk their way through a warm, breezy, summer’s day?


"...breezy summer's day?"

That's pretty much all the critique I have for you, sorry. I guess I just don't yet have enough information about your story to go any deeper than grammar. Good luck!



If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
— Mo Willems