I do not usually do this but tonight, something is telling me that I should try. My brain is blown with mad suggestions as the bloody corpse of my fiancé lies scattered on my basement floor.
I watched her bleed closely; it was an amusing sight. Maybe I should try it tonight, maybe it is time. Her skin was ripped, slashed, torn into shreds of soft silk. Her bloody crimson dress turned darker and darker as the moonlight shone on her pastele features. I walked, slowly and to the east, as a smirk formed on my salivated lips. With a twitch of hand, I clicked the dusty doors of my ancient wooden closet open and took out my drill. The figures of my ancestors carved on the old dark wood made me proud.
"Yes it is time." I whispered, feeling the adrenaline.
Her eyes were overflowing with fear and I was almost tricked into believing that she was, well, alive. The sound of her chest bones cracking pleasured my heart.
Speaking of hearts. Her heart was the best thing I have ever tasted in my one hundred fifty six years.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
RWG HERE going to review this
this story makes sense
i like when you say "My brain is blown with mad suggestions as the bloody corpse of my fiancé lies scattered on my basement floor."
but you need more informational stuff here. You need to make it longer and scary. Go on some sites and find some things that you like and try to make it longer ok.
wow, this is a really great piece. It is very creepy, an not exactly what you would expect in a story with Valentine in the title, but it pulls you in. Also, it is written very precisely. Every word means something, making it short and to the point, yet it also tells a full story. Great work, and keep on writing!
Anonymous! I LOVE THIS.
May be a bit creepy and very Halloween-ey but, it pulled me in. Your opening sentence hooked me in. Even though this was short, it still was interesting.
There are no spelling mistakes, typos, or grammar mistakes.
You did a phenomenal job here.
I'm no big Vampire lover, well, ever since the dreaded Twilight came out. But, this changed the perspective for me. I liked this and would surely read more from you.
Keep Writing!
- Nike
Hey anonymou5,
This is Zephion, here to review this great (though VERY creepy) work for you. My first comment would be, wow. I like this, a lot. It was so short, but packed with content. I don't really see anything wrong with it, but I think you could use this to lead into something more. This is a short, creepy and graphic piece with a great idea behind it, I just think you should give it more. If you were to make this into a longer story or a full fledged novel even, I would love to read it. Thanks for sharing and most definitely keep writing!
Zephion
I love the style of your writing, it flows really well!! Some of the adjectives you've used are really interesting aswell, I think it's fantastic.
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