Chasing Midnight

Hey Nony!

Shady here with your review!

I liked your rhyme scheme quite a bit.

This

Oddity, how they connect.
Muscle, spirit and intellect.

Peculiarity, how they protect.
Muscle, spirit and intellect.

Hello!

Title: "Chasing Midnight"

"Reason does not welcome it,
Or does it?"

This pulled me directly into the poem. I was like: "What?" And I wanted to read more.

"Eyes swollen, brain loaded."

Oh! I loved this line. Very descriptive.

"They pour down, stigma like magma
How does one get the twitch to end?"

I was not quite sure what these two lines meant, but they physically look attractive and the rhythm is pretty good.

"Exploding, they continue.
One by one, two by two, ten by ten.
Oddity, how they connect.
Muscle, spirit and intellect."

I like how you rhymed here. It was classy and not childish or boring. Kudos. Even great writers struggle with rhyme.

"Ache they ache.
Affection they affect."

These two lines were certainly unique. I liked them.

"But how do you comprehend,
the scars you must not mend?
Or how do you mind,
leaving your life behind?"

The pace is still very good and I can feel the poem wrapping up soon.

"Swallow it, swallow it good.
That prized pompous pride you hold
Peculiarity, how they protect.
Muscle, spirit and intellect.
Idiosyncrasy, how they all pretend,

Depend

End."

Interesting way to end this poem.

Overall: I will be honest with you, I have no idea what this poem was talking about. Well, it reminded me of war in a way. Was it about war?

Good luck!

The rhythm, the flow of this poem was really good.
I don't know what you meant it to be about, but for me as a reader, I saw it as a poem about soldiers, war and pride. If that's what you were going for, then really good job. It's beautifully worded and the imagery blew me away. I loved the almost, slam/spoken word feel to this, and I'd like to see more.
I'm sorry but I laughed out loud when I read this:
"Swallow it, swallow it good."
Maybe it's just me, but I found it extremely hilarious and it kind of threw me off of the dramatic mood of the poem. Then I read the next line:
"That prized pompous pride you hold"
and I was pulled right back in.
I have to agree with everybody else, and say that the beginning was much stronger than the ending. It's like you come out with full force, but fizzed out of energy slowly.

All in all, I really enjoyed reading your poem.

Keep Writing,
Sherlock.

Hi,
CM here with your review.

Firstly I would like to say that I thought this poem was absolutely splendid. (There's no way I could write like that) and I was pleasantly surprised. See on YWS we see a lot of poems with a similar title, describing depression, love. This one I thought would be a bore to read but as I said before, I was pleasantly surprised. The words where flowing and you didn't overload it with trying to rhyme it. The vocabulary you put in was well used and not over loaded. The ending was simple but touching.

REVIEW

Reason does not welcome it,
Or does it?
Eyes swollen, brain loaded.
They pour down, stigma like magma
How does one get the twitch to end?

I've got to say I thought the first line was poorly thought out. You have gone straight from the title to the poem, leaving the reader confused. I liked the second line a lot because I felt it conveyed just the right amount of emotion.

One by one, two by two, ten by ten.
Oddity, how they connect.
Muscle, spirit and intellect.
Ache they ache.
Affection they affect.
But how do you comprehend,
the scars you must not mend?

I don't know if it was just me but I was confused by the first line. One by one, two by two? What does that mean. (Please comment) I thought that this part was well written and poetic and the highlight was third and fourth line which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Or how do you mind,
leaving your life behind?
Swallow it, swallow it good.
That prized pompous pride you hold
Peculiarity, how they protect.
Muscle, spirit and intellect.
Idiosyncrasy, how they all pretend,

Depend

End.

I LOVED this part! There where many highlights here for me, (the word Idiosyncrasy for one) and the simple ending. I also loved these too lines,

Swallow it, swallow it good.
That prized pompous pride you hold

For I felt they where extremely well written. Over all I really like this poem and hope you write more.

CM

Oh, am so pleased. If the intended subject matter is what I’m thinking it is, I am so happy that you basically managed to avoid things that had already been said about this and kept it mysterious enough that we could hear your musings on the subject without making judgments from the start.

That said, your ending is very week compared to the beginning, starting with “swallow it good”. I’d forgive that. It is a violent sort of order, which fits well with the tone, but after that you descend into weird alliteration that really sticks out. I know I used to do alliteration without meaning to, and my teacher pointed it out to me as if I’d intended to do it, so maybe you didn’t mean to, but if you did, I’d say it doesn’t work to just throw in a lot at the end. Mostly take out “that prized pompous pride”. It doesn’t even seem to fit with the narrative. It leaks a little into “affectation they affect”, which could be lost, too, but you take out those three p’s and I will be decidedly happier.

Anyway, you’ve succeeded in describing an aspect of something I can’t access from personal experience, and I’m pleased with that (and your excellent title). If I could suggest improvements aside from what I’ve already said, I’d say you could play less with rhyme and more with image or texture to really give us a solid anchor from which to digest this poem.

Thank you! PM me if you have any questions or comments about my review, as I don’t receive notifications about replies to reviews. Good luck, and keep writing!

Good morning,

I have to say I enjoyed the rhythm of your piece. It isn't always fluent, for example the

prized pompous pride