I Need You

Hello there Annebale! Dogs here with your review today! Play close attention to Llama's and Umaima reviews. They have some really important stuff that you need to throw in here on this poem. You have some lovely writing in this piece, great imagery and flow in your writing. But it sounds a tad bit choppy without the grammar and what not.

Of course, grammar is entirely up to the writer's discourse, but here I would argue that it's entirely necessary. Because you chose to do no stanzas (which with Umaima's corrections can solve that slight problem perhaps) it is not clear when a sentence ends and when a new one begins. Also, the natural breaks in your poem where a comma should go are also not clear, and it makes this piece a little difficult to read. Again, entirely up to you and whatever you decide to do with this poem.

You do an excellent job of describing that you really need your lover. Great description in that regard, but I think you can push it farther. Try adding in a bit about how you feel when your lover is near you. Talk about the spark that you two have, go on about something that will make the reader go "awwwww, that's so sappy and cute!" I'm a hopeless romantic, but I'm not particularly the best at "sappy and cute" when it comes to poetry seeing that most of my writing is dark. So I'll leave what to add in up to your own discourse here.

All and all some lovely writing, I enjoyed reading this piece. You have lovely rhyming and great rhythm in your writing. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

I completely agree with umaima's suggestions and have my own to add.
The punctuation of a poem is very important, for it illustrates the dramatic pauses and stresses. This is my idea of it:

Long, wide, and hard I search for you,
Because it's not enough to love you.
I need to have you, hold you, and feel you near,
The distance is what I cannot bear.
Because when you're here, I feel safe.
Being without you is what I hate.
My love for you will always grow,
'Cause you know I love you so.
When you leave, I want to cry,
If you don't return I just might die.
So please come back, come back to me,
And tell me, does your heart agree?

hey,
this is umaima and I am going to review your poem today

Well first of all I really like your poem because it There is a kind of feeling it is trying to show. It has a strong base but there are some flaws in it too. first of all I would prefer you to separate them into stanzas like this maybe:

"Long wide and hard I search for you
Because it's not enough to love you
I need to have you, hold you, and feel you near

The distance is what I cannot bear
Because when you're here I feel safe
Being without you is what I hate

My love for you will always grow
Cause you know I love you so

When you leave I want to cry
If you don't return I just might die

So please come back, come back to me
And tell me does your heart agree"

or if you like it in some other way then that mighty work too just put it in stanzas.
second you don't think it is necessary for you to repeat the word come back in "So please come back, come back to me" it sounds much better this way:
"So please come back to me
And tell me does your heart agree"

other than this your poem is really good...keep on writing you have the talent girl!
and these were just suggestions, if you think it is better off without these then it's okay.

hope this helped