Published June 1, 2012
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139,616 Literary Works • 672,627 Reviews
This is awesomeness. So much passion. This is very very good!
Hello Roxy here!
Ok first off I think it would be great if there were more punctuation for example, you could seperate
"Making it impossible to breathe,
They are always there"
With a full stop, as they are two seperate points.
in fact if you wanted to really point out how they are really there you could leave that as a stand alone sentnce for lots of impact!!
I do think its a great poem but with more description it could be even better!
For example, you could describe how they feel running through your veins and the types of emotion you are feeling
One or two little nit-picks
We ask ourselves when will we be whole again,
There should be a comma inbetween ourselves and when
I think there would be a better flow if you said
When will we stop being ruled by our emotions
On the whole, I really did like it though!
PM me if you have any questions!
--Roxy
I know how you feel -_- Great poem by the way! It's short and simple, but the reader still understands the message. One thing I would like to point out is that you didn't really describe emotions in general, but just the ones that make you feel bad. Maybe you should try adding some happy emotions too, and if you want to keep it dark, explain how good emotions always lead to bad, so it's better to not have any at all. That way you would be showing all emotions to cause destruction. But, that's just my opinion. I really like this piece and I encourage you to write more!
~Fallen
I realy, really love this poem !
And your only 14?
Your writing is so strong, So passante!
I loved the line were yhu said "Making it impossible to breathe".
Shamazing !
You have me speeachless! Its flawless! you really know how to write.
Somepeople say they ccan write poetry but you girl, you better than great, better yet better than words can disribe.
I know i rambling on about how great yhis poem is but can i ask you what inspired you to write this?, because to me it seems that you have been hurt and want to get your "Emotions" out cause you can't bare the pain. but thats just me.