Published November 2, 2011
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140,249 Literary Works • 673,070 Reviews
Wow. That is truly a work of art! I could connect to it so much. Dreams and reality, one seems like it should be in the place of another. I know what that's like so, you have conveyed a very powerful message within these words. I loved it beginning to end and I highly suggest that you continue to write. I hope to be seeing more from you! Thanks for sharing this great piece of poetry with us!
Hey, so I loved the poem. You wove some really good imagery in there, and you set the mood perfectly. The anaphora at the beginning of each stanza ("Wake me up...") adds a lot of style and contributes to the seafarer/sailor vibe you have going in here.
I love the beginning of the last stanza.
But the part that comes next, at least for me, doesn't seem to flow.
I think the "because" at the beginning of the line kind of impedes the flow when you read the stanza aloud. It seems a little wordier than necessary. I'm totally nitpicking though.
This poem is seriously great. Love the whole thing.
Wonderful, but the first line doesn't sit right with me for some reason. Dreaming isn't intrinsic to sleep, so I would have preferred if you had said 'Wake me up straight from my sleep', unless these dreams are essential to the content of the poem. That's just my personal preference, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. ^^
I'm in love.
Marvelous. Nothing to be said here.
Mon Dieu. If your dreams are 'plaguing', do you really want them to come alive? xD This stanza takes a very dark turn, and I like it.
I've noticed that you've not used any punctuation at the end of your lines. I would have you revise that; it would help the form and the effect of the poem quite a bit. For example, if you wrote:
We start 'Wake me up straight from my dreams', precisely as the first stanza began. A comma leads us into the next line, where we expect something similar to the preceding stanzas. Instead, 'Then make them come alive'. This is very unexpected, and the period, in effect, says 'bang!' We're hit by the weight of the words, and the effect is made so much more apparent.
Very good piece! I look forward to seeing more of your writing. ^^
I realy like this poem and how u started it with the same line for every verse. i really hope to read more of your poems.
