Published October 15, 2011
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This really sounds like lyrics to a song, more than a poem. Although that could be the rhyming. Do you read music? Have you considered writing music? Because you would make a great lyricist!
I like the rhythm a lot, especially in the last line. Maybe you could try writing more for this? That is, unless you want to leave it as it is, I understand sometimes not wanting to expand on things because they're done, the idea is done. But, if you don't feel strongly about it maybe you could try making it longer?
I guess this is a one verse poem, so there is not much to talk about here. Although somewhat catchy, a suggested revision would include more lines, less contractions and more emphatic words. I am a poet and will always be forever reading and writing it.
Also do not be discouraged when I did not find the poem to be all that interesting, but continue despite my comment.