The Firefly

by annaseale1998

  • Poetry
  • Other

Published September 29, 2011

Spoiler! :
A poem I wrote when I was traveling down a river in a Malaysian boat, and me and my mum were watching fireflies. The driver, when we stopped near the swamp banks, tried to catch fireflies in his hand. I was so sad when he handed one to a man that accidentally killed one, that I wrote a poem. It was extremely inspiring to see the light go out. Unfortunately, as you can only see fireflies at night, I had to memorise it and chant it quietly to myself so I wouldn't forget it. I wrote three verses on that boat, and hurriedly jotted them down on a napkin when we got back to the minibus. I stayed up late that night writing more.


Never again will you see such a sight
As my beautiful, elegant, speckled flight
Watch me dance and sing and play
Then look at my wondrous light display

There's only one time I will dance for you
When you swim on down the river blue
That's when the stars hang in the sky
And I dance with them as you pass by

Sometimes when you hold me in hand
Above the water, above the sand
You stare with amazement in your sight
And wonder about my shining light

And sometimes when you crush my wings
You know I'm dead when old Mary sings
Then all too soon my light will fade
And I'll drift for all my endless days

Within the Mangrove Swamps I dwell
Here to sing you a song farewell
As you pass, my song you will hear
And you'll listen, for my song is near

On the river in which you lie
You will float on under the starlit sky
And you will see, then, as you pass by
That I am forever the firefly

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Miyakko
Review
Miyakko wrote a review Review · Sep 30, 2011

Hey annaseale1998,

Really sweet poem and it flowed well - for the most part. I do agree with Grif though, that
the repetition at the end of the stanzas breaks the flow a bit. But it'll be fine once you revise
this.

Otherwise, I got really good imagery from this and the rhyming worked out really well and
I thought it added character to this little firefly. The rhyming encaptured the little spirit
of this firefly very well. Just go over it and edit it and it'll be even more awesome!

Miyakko.

User avatar
Griffinkeeper
Review
Griffinkeeper wrote a review Review · Sep 29, 2011

Hello, my name is Grif and I'm here to review your poem. I like the concept, but I think there are some structural problems with it.

Never again will you see such a sight
As my beautiful, elegant, speckled flight
Watch my spectacular dance display
Then search, search for me next day


The last line has the flow interrupted and it sounds really weird. "Then search for me the very next day" would keep the couplet and improve the flow.

Annoyingly though, you use the same sort of pattern for the remaining stanzas. The only way I can think to read them is... like... William Shatner. "Then search... search... for me... next day."

It is so annoying, it actually makes me want to scream, like William Shatner.

That's my two cents.

Spoiler
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

User avatar
ElizabethFiction
Comment
ElizabethFiction commented Comment · Sep 29, 2011

I loved the point of view you used to portray the narrator. Great poem, keep writing!! :D



Most things happen for a reason. Though, usually, the forces that be are immature enough that the reason is comedy.
— WeepingWisteria