Published September 24, 2011
Is darkness the feeling of utter despair?
Or the hollow chasm of a witch's lair?
Does darkness hide in people's eyes
And cause the words that we despise?
Is it simply the darkness of night
That is lit by twinkles of light?
Or is it the deeper evil inside
That most of us are trying to hide?
Is darkness the sudden scream of terror
When a person's soul is lost forever?
And could darkness be where souls arrive
Where the crusts and cores of Earth collide?
Or could darkness be just the colour
That awaits the smiling hope-filled lover?
Or is it the colour black or blue
That destroys all things, old and new?
Is darkness the end of every story?
Does it end the world in all its glory?
Will it end the measure of time?
And what about these words of mine?
But is darkness just the fabled ideas
of the passing words a traveler hears?
Or maybe just the state of mind
That's so often found in Human Kind.
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Hello anna,
I agree with your reviewer above who gave quite a comprehensive review. Too add to it and to comment more on the content: It's not a bad start. Certainly, the rhyme scheme is consistent and isn't especially jarring. So you did a great job! There were a lot of images presented - and the theme of darkness sort of holds it all together. One thing I would avoid using too much though, is the question after question after question. You're not really questioning these things after all - the answer is evident and simple throughout the poem: darkness is all these things. So the "questions" then become kind of weak? You get what I'm trying to say? It doesn't much serve as thought provoking, but the ending was sweet and satisfying.
Humankind is one word!
Great job! Keep writing!
~ as always Audy
Thanks for pointing out the typos, I changed them
I really do like this poem. It has a nice rhyme scheme, a fairly consistent rhythm, and a good idea to work on overall. However, there are a few corrections to be made:
In the first stanza, "a witches lair" should likely be corrected to "a witch's lair", to show the possession of the witch to her lair.
The second stanza's second line is somewhat confusing, though correct me if this is just my lack of caffeine showing: should "That is it lit" be "That is lit", instead?
In the third stanza, but this is more a matter of personal preference, the "And" starting the third line sounds staggering, stuttering. Say the third stanza out loud to catch a sense of the rhythm; I stumbled, but you may not.
The fourth stanza's second line looks like it needs a comma after "smiling", but this could be a matter of personal preference for you. In the fourth line, "destorys" (an obvious typo) should be "destroys".
In the fifth stanza, "it's" ought to be "its", a grammatical issue, since "it's" isn't the possessive. I won't force any of these edits - they're just suggestions, and me pointing things out.
Overall, though, the poem has a certain strength to itself, and I'm very happy it was written. It's an exploration of an idea that many people might touch on, but the poem is a very insightful look at it.