Last night I dreamed that I took a razor and slashed my wrists. The blood rushed out of the wounds in small red beams from every beat of my heart. It hurt, but in a good way. Everything was so calm and quiet. It felt as if nothing was impossible. Everything was just beautiful. Life as it seemed was drifting further and further away. As I was getting lost within myself I suddenly realized all the things I am leaving behind and so I pressed my bloody arms against my body regretting it all.
If only I was braver.
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I corrected my text and wrote more here: topic78399.html
MilkNCookies: It dreamed it in first person, thanks for reading!
This has a bunch of potential, Annabella. I actually think this is well written, though I think it could be better in a poem.
These are all things I would change to make it a bit more emotional. These are by no means gramatical fixes, or even recommended. I'm just saying it's what I would do. Notes are in bold and suggestions are italicized.
What I liked:
-No grammatical errors
-Nicely written
-The last line
-The pureness
What was Okay:
-You took on a Cliche theme. I think you still pulled it off, though.
What wasn't so hot:
-formatting
-lack of emotion
I really like this. It's really, really good and well--written. I can see that it is pure and comes from the heart.
Wow, I'm really getting into this like it's a story. Anyways, your dream must have been scary. I know from cutting my legs once how bad razors hurt when they slice your wrist. One question- did you see it in first or third person?
~MilkNCookies