It was a red letter day for James. Sitting on a cold chair he was eagerly anticipating the call for his interview. Yes, his interview at Fresco as the Computer-In-Charge. But this was no ordinary interview. This was special. Special because it marked his 25th interview in a row after he was fired from Brookes and Bards’ for misconduct and late attendance. The last 24 of the interviews were terribly screwed up but it was different today. The moment he entered the building he had this gut feeling that he was going to get the job. It was his 25th interview and being a spiritual man as he was, he believed God would look up at him and things would change thereon. The morning newspaper testified for it. He had read that the day was extremely propitious and promising for Aquarians and he had no reason to fear losing the job to a competition. Maybe that was a reason why he sat on the chair, relaxed when the other candidates, around 20 of them, paced up and down the waiting hall rehearsing their best lines that they would throw at the interviewer once they are called in. He was scheduled to go the last and so he used the time to indulge himself in a weekly magazine. He wasn’t deterred by the fact that there were 20 other people going before him and all of them had equal chances of getting through. Every time someone got out of the interview room, he looked up, looked at the sunken face and went back to reading the magazine. It was then that he realised a continuous vibration in his left pocket. His cell was vibrating. He took it out to answer the call. It was Missy, his wife. She innocently complained that there was no butter and asked him to pick up a packet on his way home. She wished him luck and ended the call. He was left with a faint smile. He and Missy were married for five years now. He had met Missy at an annual office party of Fresco and started going out with her. Love brewed and marriage followed suit. She left her job after the marriage. She had never given him a chance to complain. She had been the perfect housewife who catered to every of his needs. When he lost the job, she was almost in tears. But she had confidence on him. She was supportive all throughout. It was he who failed to keep her happy. It was he who couldn’t fulfil her dreams, her aspirations. As he thought about it, the thought left him unsettled. He thought of the merry times that he’d spent with Missy when he was in New Jersey and the picnics they used to plan for themselves just to get closer to each other. He thought of the times he had scorned Missy over some petite issue or the other. He felt sick, sorry. The girl loved him. It was pure unconditional love. But he had always hurt her in some way or the other. He thought of the times he hadn’t given her enough time and chose to go out with friends over her. He felt a strange churning in his stomach. He stood up with a resolute mind. He had hurt her enough. It was time that he would make it up for her. It was time he would do something special for her like his bachelor days when the only thing that lurked his mind was how to impress her. He planned a grand dinner for her where he would apologise for all those times he’d hurt her. He could even sketch the whole scene on the back of his mind. He would arrange the dinner the very day he gets the salary of his new job and keep it a surprise for Missy. He could almost see Missy with tears in her eyes when he would apologise. He felt rather happy. Yes it was time to gift Missy a good time. When he looked up again, withdrawing himself from his chain of thoughts, he saw only three of them were left for the interview. The guy next up was a fat, bald man in his forties who looked more of a roadside hamburger seller than anything else. James smiled at the man’s ill sense of dressing. He was sure to not be selected. Now it was only two of them. The other guy was a beautiful physical specimen with a broad jaw line and a confident face. James started a conversation and learnt that the guy worked as the head of the computer department in a firm in Massachusetts and his name was Daniel. James suddenly realised how strong his competition was and resorted to the usual deal striking with God. He prayed with all his heart against Daniel’s selection for the job. The silent prayers continued as time went by. Both of them saw the door open and the bald fatty came out with an envelope. His prayers were heard. He was wrecked.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello there anirban! I, Murtle, usually known as Kyllorac, will be reviewing you today, on this very fine Review Day.
With that said, onto the review!
The first thing I noticed straightaway was how there were no paragraphs in this. At all. This makes for a pretty intimidating and unreadable block of text that scares away readers. Even if it is a pain, you really should go back in to edit this by manually adding paragraph breaks, so it's a bit more readable. After all, the more people you can entice to read your writing, the more likely someone will leave a review or comment.
This just struck me as a bit odd. What is it about the number twenty-five that makes it particularly favorable? I don't recall anything about the number twenty-five off the top of my head. And then, the fact that he apparently places stock in horoscopes doesn't really mesh with the whole believing in God thing, since horoscopes aren't exactly considered an acceptably Christian thing to believe. It's one thing if it's part of his character to dally around with anything spiritual in nature, but right now, this seems more inconsistent than anything.
Should be "had been married". There are a couple of odd tenses scattered throughout, so you might want to review tenses. There are a number of really good websites on grammar out there, though my personal favorite is the OWL at Purdue.
This is also the start of what's commonly called an infodump. Infodumps are Bad Things in general because they slow down the story and talk about other things that often aren't directly related to the main story. The usual advice for infodumps is to cut them out. A good rule of thumb is that if it isn't part of the immediate action, or if it isn't needed to understand what is immediately going on, then it's not needed. Basically, you could cut out this entire section without harming the story:
What's important is that they've been married for quite a while, and that Missy has always been supportive and unwavering in her confidence. The rest is padding, especially considering James' train of thought later.
Should be "petty", not "petite". "Petite" is a size.
"Dress" and not "dressing". The latter is put on salads while the former describes what people wear.
Who was wrecked? Be careful with the pronouns. Also, why is this significant? You need to connect this better to the previous sentence, because right now, the connection between the things going on is unclear.
Make it clearer that the prayers lead to the bald man getting the job rather than James. With how unclear the connection is, the ending loses its impact and meaning.
And that shows you have no understanding of texts at all...thank you...
The story has a continuous flow and the main character portrays someone who wants to improve not only for himself but also for his special one -- his wife.
The time when you let us through your characters past, i liked that part because i was able to visualize and understand the story better.
And, I want to add up that we have to hope for the best for everyone because as we're told or as we say 'if it's for you, then it's for you.'
Keep going and by the way, i liked how synchronized your work is..
God Bless,..
=)
Thank you.
=)