Today I was cutting up some apples in the kitchen.
My siblings are home from college, but they were busy hanging out with friends. My parents aren’t home and I am alone.
My dog limps into the kitchen and stares at me. I consider walking away before he barks at me, he’s senile, but I stay and I finish cutting my apples as he barks. I tasted one and it was so sweet.
It goes silent. My dog stops barking.
I look at him and he is confused as to why I’m not responding. As to why he’s making sounds but no one hears him.
But it looks eerily normal for him. Like he knows that he won’t be heard for much longer. A ghost of the creature he once was.
I took my apples in my hand and turn to head upstairs, but I pause. Something came over me and I look back at my dog one more time.
I look at him and cannot bear the sight of my childhood dog looking so weak and fragile.
I look at him and think about how much I ignore him because he is weak and fragile. That is not the reason.
I thought weak and fragile meant old and bitter.
Entrapped in my thoughts, I look down and realize that I am now sitting. Sitting on the cold tile of my kitchen floor, dazzled by my old dog.
I reach out, expecting him to wince, but he glides towards my touch.
This is new. He doesn’t like to be touched.
I sit in my freezing floor and fully embrace my dog, stroking his head like a mother would.
I am alone.
The tile is slippery. His paws have lost traction with age. As he relaxes, he starts to slip away. But, it’s too soon for me to acknowledge his age, so I push against him. I hold him together.
I look up at my bright kitchen lights.
I look at Him.
Holding my treasure, challenging the burning bright lights, I cannot stop my words from flowing as I ask, no bargain, no plead
“How much longer can I keep it?”
over and over.
I am selfish and I am foolish as I know the answer.
It is a while before my dog gets up. He takes a few steps as I hold my breath and hope it’s not his time.
But it's not. He limps away with age wearing him, but I do not move until he is gone. I do not want him to think that I have abandoned him.
Now I am crying in my room and my apples are bitter.
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140,075 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hi there! Plume here, with a review! And welcome to YWS!
This was a very beautiful short story. You made great use out of some seemingly simple elements (the childhood dog and some apples) and created a poignant piece about the passage of time and the bitterness of endings.
You did a wonderful job of incorporating a moving theme in an original way in this piece. To me, the main message of this work was that aging is painfully inevitable, and oftentimes happens without us realizing. I liked your simplistic narration style as well, with a lot of emphasis on the "I". There wasn't a lot of internal musings in the story, but that made it more effective, I thought; it really suited the overall tone of the narrative, and made the narrator's realizations all the more hard-hitting.
The one thing suggestion I do have (and this is a bit nitpicky-- overall this was a wonderful read!) is I feel like the connection between the dog and the apples got a bit muddled. I understand that you used the apples as a way to emphasize the negative effect of the narrator's realization about their childhood dog, but I almost wanted the apples to play into the theme of aging as well. It just threw me off a little bit, especially the recalling of "bitter" in the last line when you had formerly attached it to the effects of aging-- the purpose and connection there wasn't as clear to me as a reader.
Specifics
I absolutely loved this line, and I agree with the desire to have the bit of dialogue in its own paragraph, but breaking up one sentence like this in a prose piece was a bit awkward. I think it might make sense to punctuate it like this, so it preserves the same effect but flows a bit better.
That being said, I do enjoy the painful irony of one of the next lines being "It is a while," since it almost answers the question but in a way that likely won't come true.
Overall: wonderful work, and welcome again to this site! I hope to read more of your work soon; until next time!
Happy Holidays! My name is Ley (or Lektra) and I'm here to review this sparkling work with my new holiday-themed review template: just in time for winter! Let's sit by the fire, get our marshmallows ready, and discuss this piece you have here. Huzzah!
❄️ Winter Whispers ❄️
I related to this piece a bit too much! I lost a pet about a year ago and remember the fear of her aging :/ You did such a beautiful job at describing your emotions during this time in such an artistic way! Thank you for sharing this with us <3 Now, let's get into my favorite parts of this work!
🎅 Warm Sugar Cookie 🎅
I didn't know when reading these lines that it would be connected to the last sentence-- but now that I know, I can really appreciate it. The metaphor for aging and the bitterness of the apple was truly clever! Amazing job with this.
This was also such a great representation of what it feels like to grow old-- losing the sweetness of life. Looking at people and animals we love and seeing the aging effects can definitely take a toll on us. You also tend to appreciate things more and not take things for granted, regardless of age and disabilities. <3
I always imagined that animals can feel our emotions. This is a perfect example of that. I love this part because it's a turning point for the narrator, something for them to hold onto. Amazing touch with these two sentences.
This part broke my heart </3 you did such a good job throughout this work that by this part I felt connected to the narrator. I felt the grief and fear in that question. I love the emotional nature of this piece. And of course, the last sentence of the whole piece brought the whole thing together. I'm obsessed with the way you ended this!
🌟 Chilling Critique 🌟
I don't have any critiques here! I think you did such a marvelous job.
🎆 The Grand Finale 🎆
Wow! This was a tear-jerker. I love the metaphors, the emotional nature of the premise, and the morale to never take things for granted! Thank you for sharing, and I hope to see you around YWS! Let me know if you have any questions about navigating the site!
Wishing you a season filled with joy, laughter, and love! <3
This is so thoughtful and detailed, thank you for taking the time!