Published October 19, 2010
thanks guys for the reviews, but ive stopped writing this story for awhile and probably wont get back to it until much later. thanks so much for the support.
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Hey, I quite liked this! I think it was quite well structured adn I especially liked the very first line - it intrigued me and made me want to read more. Well done!
I added a full portion more on the first part (which is his childhood). I'm going to remake this into a journal like form and its going to switch from him telling events of his life to the present like what he feels as he writes it and what he thought looking back on it all. Though, how do I go about doing that? Would I just use a certain font for the entries and another one for when he is back in the present and then the reader will eventually get used to it as a sign of present/past switching? What do you think?
I'm going to post all my writing up top in my first post.
@Angela
1. Thanks for the tidbit, I didn't know the beginning was a bit vague. I'll clarify that up later.
2. I'll correct that error
3. He is expressing his doubts of being able to leave the lighthouse.
Hey! I thought this story was pretty good. Definitely grabbed my attention. Since I'm kinda new here, this might not quite be formatted the best. Just a warning. I noticed a few things though:
1. In the beginning, how do people know how strong they can be? Are we talking what our subconscious (sp?) tells us?
2. "I can't say that this will be filled with positive experiences, but definitely interesting to read upon my deathbed, but I doubt that will happen as Miss Gladia keeps these journals when we leave the lighthouse." This seems to be a bit of a run-on sentence. I would suggest putting a period between 'deathbed' and 'I', thus eliminating the 'but'.
3. The last sentence doesn't quite make sense to me. Maybe you want to clarify that a bit? Good luck with your story!
Thanks for the read. I might tweak the opening sentence so that it flows much better. I'm going to post part 1 of the story in a bit. I'm very glad that you liked it, I've been tossing and turning with his development for four months now. The story is written pretty much in parts and sometimes he will stop his writing of the past and it will be back in the present, but I don't think i'll do that until I finish the entire thing and do my final editing.
Yo, Angel. ^^
Pink here to review!
I like this but I think the last part was bit oddly worded. Mostly the 'we know we can be' part was a bit of flow cutter.
Maybe it's just me, however.
Comma after ago ^^
Remember you capitalization. *I'd
Overall, this is an interesting prologue. It caught my attention and it was an interesting read. I'm curious to see what this journal is about and what's up with the lighthouse. I did enjoy the bit of philosophical thoughts in here. Not much else to say, short as it was. Keep writing ^^
~Shear