It feels like we are caught in an endless circle
Going round and round
You loved me once
Now you love me not
I loved you twice
Now I love you more
You said you loved me
Yet you left me
You left me for another girl
And i wept and wept
I got over you, and left you for another boy
Another boy who happened to be your brother
Your brother whom you dearly loved
You tried everything in your power
To break us up
As it breaks your heart to see me happy
See me happy with another boy
You finally succeeded
Succeeded in your evil scam
Claiming back something you threw away
Threw away like a piece of rotten garbage
Now you love me more
And I love you not
For you threw away my love
My love for you
That will never grow again
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Heya!
I must say i quite liked this.
Its rather interesting and its not a typical
''I love you but you don't love me anymore'' poem.
I love how you continued the story so we see the ending
of it, you didn't just leave it with the heartbreak at
the start.
I especially like ''You loved me once, Now you love me not, I loved you twice, Now I love you more, You said you loved me, Yet you left me, You left me for another girl''
It flows perfectly.
Keep up the writing.
Wow, that is so good!
The story is very moving and understanding!
~Skyy.
Hi! Welcome to YWS! Make sure you review other people's work as well as posting your own, as that way you'll get more critiques.
This is pretty good. You didn't capitalise one of your I's, so make sure you check your work or use spell checker when you've finished. Some of the poem is a bit too repetitive, like here:
You loved me once
Now you love me not
I loved you twice
Now I love you more
You said you loved me
That's five loves in the same amount of lines. Also when you have words at the end of a line repeated at the beginning of the next line, it sounds a bit much, for example: "I got over you, and left you for another boy / Another boy who happened to be your brother" and "Claiming back something you threw away / Threw away like a piece of rotten garbage". That amount of repetition sort of gives the impression that you can't think of anything new to say, so you repeat what's already been said. Apart from this issue, pretty good. The poem is unique to you but still enables the reader to relate to it.
Hi my name is Ktg17 and I will be reviewing for you today!!
I love this! It is so creative, and it flows so well.
I didn't find lots od grammar issues, but that doesn't mean they aren't there! I could miss them!! Your title fits in great too!!! Overall I think this is great!!!